I love my wife. But we've had problems ever since we got married. First, we made the mistake of letting my mother move in with us, and it caused so much trauma for my wife when they argued. Then, when I wasn't able to protect my wife from my mother, she blamed me, and it hurt our relationship. We finally moved out from living with my mother, but we had trouble financially. Meanwhile, I was having gender identity issues - not full on dysphoria, so I thought I had things under control. But I still had thoughts and feelings and desires which I knew my wife wouldn't approve of. Meanwhile, our sex life had deteriorated and was basically non existent after she became pregnant with our second child. The more our sex life deteriorated, the more the gender identity issues swelled in my head, and eventually, I sought another outlet. And I chatted with other women about it. My wife eventually discovered these chats and viewed it as me cheating on her. The drama eventually passed, but the meltdowns started again when my wife saw another, more salacious chat I had had (before being discovered with the first chat) regarding hypnosis and dom/sub roleplay. Again, she viewed this as cheating. That, combined with discovering that I had Facebook chatted with a female friend completely innocently just a few days ago, and she just exploded. She is insisting that the marriage is over. She's threatened divorce before, but this time, she's claiming she's going to find a man who will love her the way I haven't. :-( I don't want a divorce. And I don't want to be told I can get through it because so many other people have. If I agreed with that, I wouldn't be on a forum considering suicide as an alternative to divorce. As I'm writing this, I'm working on finishing my final project for my final class in my second bachelor's degree in computer science. Assuming I pass, this means I would have to go back out into the workforce. I don't want to go back out and get a job. I got so tired of being bossed around and told what to do all day. The pay wasn't that great in my job before. I have my own projects and goals I want to achieve, but I feel so judged for them. Sometimes I feel like I'm engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. Like I want our marriage to work, but then my brain finds a way to fuck it up. And this time may be the end. And if it is, I would much rather just commit suicide on my own terms than live with it.