Ive set the date

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Jan 24, 2008.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    im sorry but i just cant stand losing the poeple i love anymore. for as long as i can remember ive been abondoned, or poeple just left me out of the blue. ive always been alone, then i found this forum and i suddenly didnt feel so bad, because i knew there were poeple going through the same thing. so all of a sudden i didnt feel so bad about myself, but you know what? ive found out some of those poeple were going to leave me behind as well. its funny, you never really get used to being alone, ever. i always thought i would. its just kind of weird..lol im sorry but i cant stand being the one whos left out anymore, ive been left out of everything my whole life, never had any friends until i was like 20, then they moved away and ive never heard from them agian. my parents say theyll always be there for me, but yeh right..i mean,...cmon...i dont even get along with them now...point being im so sick and tired of being abandonded by everyone, it happens everytime i get close to someone. i used to have this girl i liked way back when, but we moved away and i never heard from her agian. and last week one of my friends commited suicide, and a year before that another of my friends..i just cant take it anymore, everyone that loves me always leaves me..yes .. im needy, im clingy, and im whiney..call me what you will but i want love. ive been fighting for it for 23 years, telling myself someday, ill be surounded by poeple that understand, that love me. and now i am and theyre going away...well to hell with it..i give up...this is not meant to convince anyone to stay, because i want them to want to be with me because they love me, not because of pity. the day is valentines if anyone is curious.. which i think is rather appropriate because never have i gotten a valentines in my life..LOL to all of those who care thank you..but its just too damn hard watching my friends leave me, i just dont think i can go on anymore...:unsure:
  2. blendersick

    blendersick Member

    sorry about all that, i know what youre going through
    and i uderstand prefectly how you feel about your friends thing, today one of my friends (i never really met her personally) said she was gonna suicide cause her parents found many stuff she didnt want them to find, and shes the only person ive met that ever got me and it will be so hard to find somoene like her again, but thats not the point

    youre not alone, ill be here for anything you wanna talk about haha and if i could i would go there and meet you, but id have to runaway first ... ill figure out how to do it soon

    just remember there will always be someone for you
  3. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member

    *sends early Valentines to Angel* You have now! :tongue:

    :hug: Angel I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.

    No-one can change your mind for you if that's your decision; and I respect that. But I want you to know that you would be sorely missed on this forum. All your posts are supportive and I know that you make a lot of people feel better about themselves.
    I've lost a lot of people too, and I know how much it hurts; but not everyone here on the forum will leave you. We're all here trying to hang on and support each other to get through the days.
    I don't think you're whiney at all; I think that you're a genuine sweet person from what I've seen on the forum - and I'm damn sure that someone like you will find love one day. If you hang on, I'm sure you'll find who you're looking for.

    Bah, I'm sorry if what I say sounds dumb. I never seem to be any good at these things... always end up saying things that sound dumb :mellow:

    I really hope things pick up for you before then Angel
  4. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    thank you so much new hope, to be honest, i know theyre not going to leave me now, but after a lifetime of watching poeple leave me, its hard to tell myself otherwise..i wish i were someone special ... you know? have you ever seen the green mile? i wish i was like that black guy that saved the little girls..you know, i could take away poeples pain...i wish i had a gift like that, but to be honest, im just a simple individual with nothing special about me. ive tried to help everyone, ive tried so damn hard, but i see my efforts going nowhere. as a matter of fact, i dont even see me able to help myself lately..things have got worse and worse lately. and the last thing i need is for someone to tell me theyll be there for me, and never be there when i need them the most...its just too damn hard watching my friends do things like that...i just dont know anymore...if i do it thats when, but i dont know if i want to ...u know? but at the same time i do want to..u know? its so confusing..
  5. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    why do yo uwant to runaway? your family treats you badly or something?
  6. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I can relate to how you feel. I have no family. Though I"m lucky enough to have a couple friends, it's not enough. I go through days without talking to anyone. And I have no career. I wish I had the strength and vision to end it. But I'm afraid. Afraid of the unknown. As are most of us. I'm just hanging by a thread.
  7. Sentient-Blizzard

    Sentient-Blizzard Well-Known Member

    so when is it? so we can wish u goodbye
  8. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    if i decide to end it ,it will be feb 14..i dont want to but im scared of seeing someone i love leave me agian..so i do want to do it..its confusing you know? im scared of the pain, the afterwards. im just scared, but im not sure if i can go through losing someone i love agian.. i think theres no greater pain than that..-_-
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Try to find the strength to carry on Angel. I'm also usually the one who has to pick up the pieces. My relatives are all getting older now and I know that funerals are an inevidable part of life. You are loved Angel. Never forget that.
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