I've started noticing

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by xoCherie, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    Lately I've started noticing that I struggle to feel any sort of connection with anyone. Like...I've got so many guys that are interested in me, but I'm sitting here watching them and normally I'd be thinking "oh he's kinda cute," or "yeah, he gets what I've just said so maybe he'll get me" etc but now it's like there's nothing, not even mild interest. Referring back to my posts from September about N...I'm thinking I'm still hung up on him. Yeah, he treated me like shit, and I know that, but while my head is thinking "move on, he just fucked you over royaly" my heart still thinks "no, wait! Give him another chance!" which is impossible since I blocked him on Facebook After this little snippet;

    10 April C
    Okay face the facts. YOU USED ME FOR SEX. There. That's why I'm always shitty at you. That's why I'm such a bitch now. It's turned around and bit you in the ass. And don't try your "I was ____ with my body language" bullshit excuses. And "take some panadol" doesn't fucking fix anything. I'm not trying to make you be nice to me I'm telling you how it is. Fucking accept it

    10 April C
    Now, YOU piss off

    10 April N
    I never used you. You expected more than I was willing to give at the time. Thats you're doing not mine. I told you how it was but you chose to continue with it anyway and it didn't work out with rainbows and rings and fluffy bunnies like you hoped. Thats why you're angry. And I have tried so hard to keep in touch and keep putting up with your crap after alll you've done and siad in this country and from there so don't try and call me the arsehole. I've done nothing but try with you and all you've given me in return is drama. Those, are the facts.

    10 April C
    You asked if I thought we'd work out over text. That's leading me on. You got me to cheat on Connor. That's leading me on. I'm not angry at YOU. I'm angry at me. Because over and over again I listened to your shit, your "body language", your texts and messages and eye contact and body signals. All throughout it I had EVERYONE telling me you're a douche and that you've actually cheated on YOUR OWN GIRLFRIENDS with other chicks. I had your own clients and friends warning me off of you, telling me it would lead to nothing. You asked out my fucking friend on the night of my ball, gave me a nervous breakdown, didn't give a shit that I was suicidal and then expected me to take it.

    10 April C
    No, I was never angry at you
    I was angry at myself for ever talking to you in the first place
    Now fuck off

    10 April N
    Good, I'm glad we got that all straightened out. Clearly its all my fault and I'm a horrible person. So now that you've decided that, do yourself a favour and actually leave me alone this time if thats what you want to do. If I'm that bad stop thinking about me. And that means no evil messages whenever you think up something you hope to upset me with, just leave it be, accept that its in your past and so am I, and get on with your life. Goodbye.

    We haven't talked since, and it hurts so much knowing that. But I was there for him when that so called friend gave him chlamydia and he found out she was using him to get to me, I kept trying to make him smile when no one else cared, I was the one who took his bullshit, I was the one who stuck around even when everyone was telling me to leave, I was the one who loved him when everything he did screamed at me not to. But I feel like I've lost a part of me, and that part is the one that smiled and laughed easily, and she was the girl who didn't care when she was upset, she'd try and make everyone else smile. I miss her. I miss him. I miss what we had

    Does it ever go away? I want to know that someday at least I'll be able to look at a guy and have the same connection, but mutual this time
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 26, 2012
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I think that you will be a billion times better off without this guy....but you probably already knew that!! Yes, it does sting for a while after the break up, especially since you were so in love with him. But guess what? That does go away eventually and will get better over time. It just takes patience and perseverance, determination and drive to want to move on--both from the past relationship, and onto something new. You can't let the past dictate your future, or it will only retard your forward progress. Use your willingness to experience and feel all of those wonderful emotions you'd felt with this gentleman: minus all the negatives; and channel that into a new man. And before you known it, you'll be happy again, because you found a new boyfriend.
  3. AC21</3

    AC21</3 Member

    Wow you thing sounds exactly like mine and around the same time also. Mine was end of march early april when me and my ex blew up. SHE dumped me and it wasnt mutual but to keep the story short. it hurt like a bitch and i cried like i never did before. i'll admit i was suicidal bc i put everything i had into that relationship and you know what? i was eventually able to finally recently admit that it was "over" but and then u know what happened? yesterday she emailed me and said that she missed me. i'm not gonna go too much further but i'll say if u care and he ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT YOU and what u and him had was real? then ya know he'll see that it was wrong and maybe miss u and want to come back. unless the breakup was both mutual then idk what to say bc my ex broke me into pieces....and idk what to do from here with her emailing me now but i'm still able now to slowly after like 20 something days to crawl out of a black hole and just start anew. idk email me @ achung.21.sb@gmail.com if u wanna chat.
  4. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    It wasn't mutual. It was me having enough of his bullshit and lies to force myself to block him and cut him from my life. If he wants to contact me, I know he has my number. Until then, I'm staying away. And even if he does, I doubt I'll fall back into it again so easily
  5. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I gave up even thinking about him, I've forced myself to even stop thinking about him because I just start crying. I've almost forgotten our relationship entirely, I can barely remember how it started
  6. AC21</3

    AC21</3 Member

    dang you are over him then....time will heal....
  7. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    Okay seriously. This was a pointless waste of a post. I'm looking for advice here, you aren't giving it. You're comparing my situation against your own, which I don't like okay? If I wanted that I would have asked for it in my original post. I don't want it, I want to have someone help me get over what a dick this guy was and to help me get my heart to stop wanting him back.
    Don't reply to this unless you actually have something useful to say to me right now. Because I'm so sick of people comparing this to what they've been through. You had a fucking happy ending. So fuck off, because it's NOTHING like how mine has ended.
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Cherie, it sounds like it was a very difficult relationship and break up. I'm glad that you've decided you deserve better than that! Grief/getting through a loss like that takes the time it takes...It's different for everyone.

    Have you found new activities and people to hang with? Even if they are not "relationships", just being around others and doing things seems to help most people. A good relationship will grow out of getting to know someone well before we jump in with both feet.

    I also want to say that this hasn't been a waste of a thread...People will compare their situations to those of others because that is the frame of reference they know. We don't always have words of advice so we offer what we think is supportive - our understanding based on our own experiences, and we can all use support from time to time.

    I sure hope you feel better soon. Break ups can be very distressing and we don't magically get over the effects and emotional scratches/gouges just because we've decided to move on. It still takes time before we are ready to get into making "connections" again.
  9. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I'm currently studying a diploma in management and have made some friends through that, though one's become really clingy and through that I've almost lost another friend that's avoiding course entirely now because of how "attached" this friend is to me. I'm going to end up making a post about that too :/