I've stopped caring

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by datto, Jan 5, 2013.

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  1. datto

    datto Member

    I've recently quit drinking, now it seems nothing matters any more. I don't care about myself or anything any more. When I drive my car, I'm so reckless and sometimes dangerous. I've always thought about suicide, but never followed through because of my family, now I just think 'In 1000 years, what does it matter, no-one will remember me, or them'.

    I find no enjoyment in anything, I can't remember the last time I've been happy.

    I'm so bored, and tired, I just want to sleep. I slept 18 hours the other day because there was no reason to get up. All I do is exist.

    When I see a truck coming the other way on the road I think of how easy it would be just to turn the wheel slightly...
  2. ripvanwinklex

    ripvanwinklex New Member

    Did you stop drinking because you were getting to drunk to drive? Or because other said so? If it's your escape, may as well keep drinking as long as you do it safe.
  3. datto

    datto Member

    I never drink and drive, I was a very high functioning alcoholic. But I drank nearly a whole bottle of vodka every day. Now that i've stopped, I'm so bored and depressed, i find no enjoyment in anything, I just sleep all day
  4. foreignlauren

    foreignlauren Member

    drinking is a quick escape from reality and it numbs the sadness for a while but then the negative feelings gradually creep in from your subconscious mind and it triggers these bad thoughts and feelings again whilst it is a nice getaway it is only temporary. you should find something you're passionate about to ease the boredom and could enhance your energy levels and get you motivated I'm having the same problems with a lack of motivation with work and assignments it all seems pointless, right? but it's the sense of achievement and satisfaction you gain after that is important and your progress of happiness is your main priority. search around everywhere for your interests and enjoymenta and your destiny will lead you somewhere much brighter.
    but keep strong datto happiness will find you
  5. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    First, congrats on giving up the drink. Are you in AA and going to meetings? Most of the people I've known who did so worked themselves out of the sorts of problems you are having. Worth a try, anyway.

    As to the sleeping, sure struck a chord with me. I rarely sleep longer than a couple of hours without waking, then battling dark demons to try and get back to sleep. Sleeping 18 hrs sounds wonderful to me. (Not minimizing your concern, 18 hrs of sleep every day probably isn't healthy, just trying to show you that some things are a matter of perspective.)

    Best to you, you have made a huge step.
  6. There is a world filled with so very many kinds of passions , interests , and hobbies . Try some new things out and see where you might be led .

    The key is to find the very simple joys and pleasures in life so I advise aiming for those first .
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Well done on the quitting of the drink.I myself can understand your pains and frustrations as i was a functional alcoholic too.Unlike you i m like John find it hard to sleep yet we get affected in different ways dealing with depression.Baby steps is all I can suggest in finding something that might and can interest you.I know this seems a tough task as im battling the same.All I can suggest is get some support try and stay strong.I see you in Aus if ya feeling unsafe try calling lifeline they have great support when you are in a crisis situation.Have you seen your doc about how you have been feeling he/she might be able to help you with support to get through this.Please stay strong as best you can and take care also use this forum as a release.
  8. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I'm with Tired John, I wish I could sleep 18 hours. The only time I'm at peace is the couple of hours sleep I can get. I wake up numerous times in the night and can't fall back asleep.

    George Sanders killed himself and left a note that said "I'm bored." I feel that way too. I have nothing going on in my life, like you. So you're not alone with those feelings. I recognize I have the chemicals in my brain that mess me up. I feel like all I do is take up space in this world. I"m trying to hang on. I hope you will too.
  9. datto

    datto Member

    I did go to the doctor, she prescribed Valium to help with the withdrawal, but I think it's also causing me to sleep so much. I thought I didn't care about anything before, but now it's a whole new level...

    Btw, I've only been sober for like 2 days, so anything could happen.

    One major weakness I have is never asking for help, not even for someone to pass the salt or something. Writing on a forum is one thing, but calling Lifeline (which I have done, and didn't help at all), and especially face to face I just can't do. It's not about appearing weak, more like being the centre of attention, having people worry about me, offering advice I already know about, 'find a hobby' or some shit.

    I'd rather be nothing. What's one life in all of time? God, I'm selfish.
  10. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    You aren't alone in not asking for help, I'm paralyzed by the mere thought of looking weak to others, especially family. It just isn't my *role* in the dynamics I am supposed to live by. So I bury it and show a brave face to the world. In the meantime...

    .. I'm a frightened child inside that wants to just curl up in a hole somewhere and go to sleep, permanently.

    That said, yep Valium will most definitely make you sleep. But if it get you through the hard withdrawal, well worth it. Not sure how AA operates in Australia, but it sure would be a help for to get to know some of those folks, they saved my younger brother's life and brought him back to sanity. Hang in there, Datto, you can do it.
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