Ive sunk below rock bottom and im still falling into darkness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Emptysoul, Nov 23, 2008.

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  1. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    Ive sunk below rock bottom and im still falling into darkness... I'm lower than after (me a gay man) got violently raped by by a guy 2 years ago. I'm in deep emotional pain and some physical too, from the slashes im making in my arms. I cant sleep, tried to earlier but only got half an hour. I keep waking up all the time from somtimes nightmares, othertimes panic attacks.
    Ive had loads of panic attacks lately along with severe depression and anxiety. Ive been overloaded by the emotions I have never been able to deal with. Everytime I think I'm getting better and am on the way to recovery, even partionally something allways comes along and kick's me in the head and drags me back down to the cold dark and painful cellar of my usless empty rancid life.
    I should just cut a bit further up my arm nice and deep in the wrist area. In fact I am going to do that, Ive already taken tripple the daily dose of my painkillers to numb away the long slow and painfull death I am about to experience. I will cut vertically not horizontally so they cant stick me back together again, so the pain will truly end. Got to go do it now before someone gets up and trys to stop me. Dont think my m8 will like it tho as I'm about to cover his floor in blood.
    If im on later it means someones stopped me, like the moth did last time, it landed on the knife and I had to run away from it as they terrify me, but they will have to fight me for the knife because no-one going to stop me this time, there's no way for me to recover or cope anymore.
    Goodbye to you all and thanks for the help you tried to give me all those times.....
  2. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry to read in how much pain you are EmptySoul. You are having falshbacks from the rape and it is overwhelming you. You do not think rationally right now. Before you harm yourself ask yourself what can be done and who can help you out to sort those feelings. When I am suicidal, I give it five days to see what is around the corner.

    Please call on a friend or a familiar and do not fear to talk either to them or ask them to bring you to ER for an evaluation and talk to the psichiatra who will help you out as best he can. Just dont stay alone right now.

    PM me and talk to me, i'll listen hun

    stay safe hun
  3. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Instead of just cutting and making it worse, have you seeked professional help?

    There's alot of good therapists who can help you with these problems..

    I hope it all works out for you.
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    There are better ways for you to deal with this. Please reconsider. As I have told you I am here to talk anytime you want. There is help and support here for you.
  5. Atheist Demon

    Atheist Demon Account Closed

    I am bisexual, I can relate as far as being treated different. I am so sorry to hear you were rape. I wasn't raped, but I was molested in the 6th grade by a high school kid. You shouldn't feel that way cause no one should be in pain. And PLEASE dont do anything stupid. Cause it is not worth it. I hope you get out of your funk, and get better friend, PM me if you want to chat or even get anything off you shoulders. :hugs:
  6. starry01

    starry01 Member

    I cried after reading yout post - it really moved me and I could feel your pain so deeply. Please don't hurt yourself - you're a worthwhile person who has loads of give, unlike the scum who raped you. If you need a friend please pm me anytime and I will reply to you.
  7. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    im so sorry to hear you went thru that, i no how it can eat away and tear you up inside, but taking your own life, is like you are letting your attacker win!!

    i no it will never be something you can forgot about, but please dont see killing yourself as a way out,

    there are people who care about you on here

    PM me if you need to chat

    stay safe my friend

  8. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Brought tears to me too. That's one hell of a brutal attack-and-aftermath trauma. But mate, come to a suicide forum to announce your kill fucking self--I dont't... I never understand that. Agree with Rose. Have you sought help? ANY help
  9. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Well I'm sorry for being gruff. It's something I never understood--but you need MORE SO that love and outreach the others have given.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey empty soul,
    It does get better. I too was molested when I was twelve. There was a guy in the neighbor hood who would draw us in to watch porno movies and read dirty mags. He would wait until you were aroused and take you in the back room and have his way. He always gave you $20.00 to keep your mouth shut. We eventually told the police. All they did was cite him and make us drag him thru court. All the judge did was made him move out of the neighbor hood.
    So don't feel alone, it goes away into the back of your head and you eventually forget about it. I answered another post and told him the same thing so my deep dark secret is out. I paticuallary don't want to talk about it. Better to be left alone. Please go see a therapist and let them help you deal with this. Take Care!!~Joseph~
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