I've tried.. and failed

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by xobookwormxo, Oct 2, 2010.

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  1. xobookwormxo

    xobookwormxo Member

    <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> I passed out from the pain and woke up in a hospital with my mom hysterical crying. She doesn't understand why I want to die, she'll never understand. I get called a ***** slut **** every single word in the book just because some prick raped me and told everyone that I wanted it. Yes, of course i wanted it that's why I screamed no and squirmed underneath you and cried.. but yes of course i loved it. She said it won't matter what people think once I go to college its just high school drama and you'll never see them again. Yeah I'll never see them again but the damage is done. I tried to OD but it didn't work either. I tried drowning but my mom saved me again. I just wish that she would understand that dying is what I want, what will make me happy. I can start all over in a new body somewhere different, like maybe i'll be born into a nice looking English family.. that'd be nice. Next time I won't fail ... I'm done with the judging looks and scars. I want to be cremated so that nobody can see my mutilated body. I'm gonna die smiling so that my mom will finally see me happy for once.:shower:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2010
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Bookworm and how sad...I am glad you failed because we get to meet you...there are so many ppl here who relate and will support you...please know this...also PM me if I can help in any way...big hugs, J
  3. Faithful

    Faithful Member

    Hi there my lovely. My gosh, I hear you loudly. How painful it must have been to wake up. It seems like there are people who around you who genuinely care, but struggle to understand exactly what you are facing. On one level, I suppose its a relief that they don't understand; on another, you desperately need an understanding shoulder to lean on eh? I am struggling to find the 'right' words here; only I hope there isn't a 'next time'.... I hope you see your pathway forward.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Have you pressed charges against the guy who raped you Allie? He needs to pay for his crime and learn a valuable lesson. Don't let him get away with this. Don't hurt yourself anymore hun. He's the one that deserves to be hurt. :hug:
  5. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    If you really want to inflict pain upon the guy and those that call you names,then live a full and successful life...starting today. I was called names by my father and told I'd never amount to anything. Today I'm living an abundant life and do you know what? they hate it and it causes them great distress.

    It doesn't happen over night, but the sooner you take that first step.......
  6. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    This actually made me cry when i read this. Im so sorry this is happening to you, I can not imagine your pain. Please try and stay strong though. Im glad your attempt failed. xx
  7. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Dont die hun. I know what its like to be where you are... I just got out of the hospital on Friday... I also know what its like to be a survivor of rape... Talk to someone love, it can get better, or so Im told. But stick around as even if you dont think so, you would be missed.
  8. theonethatshere

    theonethatshere New Member

    Be strong, my beautiful dear. Your story is tragic. Message me at anytime for comfort, I am the one that's here. I could only, barely, imagine the pain and hurt it must have been to wake up to a bleeding heart and veins pumping. I'm glad you are here though, it gives you a chance to think about your life and think what you should do to improve it. Do not fret about typical high schoolers, fret about only how it will affect your life. Put them behind you, for they are nothing. Become a born again virgin and search for the one that will let you do to him what you wanted to be done to you. I am the one that's here. And I love you.
  9. No_Life

    No_Life Well-Known Member

    hey Allie, being male i cannot begin to understand how painful and humiliating it must have been for you to go through this, and then to have him say you wanted it... i do know how difficult it is to be hated and bullied by everyone in your school, which by itself has made me suicidal you are a stronger person then me to have survived this long, im sure you are strong enough to keep going! try to take each day at a time and talk to someone about it. my msn and pm are always open to you.
  10. Joshua

    Joshua New Member

    Hi, I cannot understand how that must've been, nor can i begin to imagine it, the only other people that can are other people that actually have gone through the same situation. Im happy to hear you have tried several times and failed because, thats some sort of sign. Please stop trying, and start trying to move on from this terrible situation. It'll make more people happy to see your life together again
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