I have extremely low self-esteem that I feel is exacerbating my shydom. When I say shydom I just mean the fact that I am shy, quiet, passive, weird, and inclined to avoid people and social situations. I've been trying to get my first job (I'm a teenager) as a way to build my confidence and feel...worthy of living. The thing is is that I haven't gotten any calls back and as I don't have a license, and transportation in my town is very limited, I am limited to applying to places that are walkable from my house. So this means theres little chance of me getting a job as there is a little amount of places to apply at. Now, in regards to my not having a license thing, its just another example of how fear of going places has made me put off doing something that I should have done a long time ago. I am in my senior year and still using the bus. Another thing that I am extremely scared of, but should have done earlier, is get teacher recommendations for getting into college. I don't even have any rapports with my teachers, I was always a shy lump in a seat that said absolutely nothing and had absolutely no personality. Now I need them and, frankly, I don't feel like I deserve their letters. I showed no friendliness to them(just another result of my shydom). I don't even feel like I deserve to go to college. Unlike my fellow students, I have absolutely no extracurricular activities. All I've been doing is sitting on my ass playing Halo 3. I know its horrible, but I was scared to go to any clubs or to play sports. I didn't know that all my lazing around and lack of maturity would come to this. I should have listened to my family when they said I should join a club. Now I'm suffering from a lack of confidence, a low self esteem. And I have been scared. Scared that my classmates and teachers would find out how a pathetic existence I live, one where I do no clubs, no volunteering, no work. I do not want to have an encounter where someone asks "what do you do?" and I say "nothing". I absolutely fear that, and I've been contemplating suicide as the only way to avoid that. Trying to get a job was my first choice, and a drastic one as I am absolutely scared of going out into the world, but since I CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS, I think the only way is to kill myself. That's such a crappy piece of writing (excessive and scattered). But w/e. So, does anyone know any choices I have left besides suicide?