I was suicidal at the age of 10, because I was bullied so badly. Of course I had no means of killing myself, but I wanted to. My parents forced me into therapy. A few years later I was forced into a hospital. I went in and out a couple more times after that because of obsessive compulsive disorder. It's so sad that suicidal people can't ask for help without risking their freedom. Ironic even, that the people who most want to help us ensure we will never reach out to them, thanks to mandatory reporting laws. How does this site handle that, by the way? It is possible to track down any poster, granted their ISP turns over the name attached to their IP address. Has that ever happened? Would it? Could it? So I never let on, but I've been on and off suicidal since then, in varying degrees of danger. I'm now divorcing a woman who hates me because I don't have feelings. A week ago I was unexpectedly fired from a job that I loved and was passionate about. It was so hurtful. Maybe firings have to be cold and professional. It just feels so mean. I think they told all of my coworkers not to communicate with me. Either that or they only pretended to like me. I don't even understand why they fired me in the first place. Things improving seems too fantastical to even think about. All I can think about is death's release. The only reason I'm alive is my 2-year-old son. I cannot abandon him, but I cannot go on, either. Sometimes I think my mind is so diseased he would be better off without my influence. My life insurance policy pays out in the event of suicide. I can't even have friendships because I am so awkward around people. It probably made it easy to fire me. I just make blunders. I was so isolated by the bullying and stayed so isolated, I don't understand social cues or rules. Divorce and firing at the same time. And my joint replacement (yes, I am young) is deteriorating. So I am in physical pain that will only get worse for many years to come, until my next surgery. I'm just tired. I feel like the universe has been stringing me along on the brink of death and always will, just to make me suffer. Like I'm in some sort of cosmic punishment for a past life. I don't want to play anymore. I'm so tired. I just want to be done.