Ivory

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Gergin, Jan 2, 2015.

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  1. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    I've been using bath salts on and off my entire life.
    I was introduced to this form of drug in my earlier teens
    It wasn't a problem back then
    cause I had to be extremely secretive about it, so I didn't have a lot of opportunities to do it.
    But, now that I'm in my twenties and not living with my parents, it's really easy for me to get a hold of this drug.
    I can go home, do a line, and no one would care.
    I'm afraid it will get a hold of me again and I know it will, cause I am weak.
    <mod edit - glorifying drugs>
    It's just so tempting to indulge in it all.
    I'm afraid I might start using again.
    I've been trying to pin point where these feelings are coming from and I think it's because the emptiness is back.
    There's just always been an emptiness inside of me. Ever since I was a child I felt it.
    I remember asking my mom why I felt so empty inside. She just hugged me and cried.
    I don't think she understood it, but neither did I, so I cried too. We never talked about it.
    Maybe she thought if we didn't talk about it, then that feeling would go away. But it didn't.
    It just lingered and I don't know how to make it go away.
    But when I'm high, I understand this emptiness.
    And when I understand. I'm okay with it and then I'll be okay with myself too.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2015
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Welcome to SF Gergin, it appears that you know that these drugs are not good for you and you are right be scared that they could take hold of you again. The thing to do with this fear is to use it to get help. There are lots and lots of drug programs that can help you. Talk to your doctor and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Getting real help for the emptiness inside, rather than trying to fill it up with drugs, is the only 'good' way out of this.

    Keep talking to us, and stay safe :hug:
     
  3. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Its not that you understand the emptiness when youre high...youre masking it. If you understood it, then that understanding wouldnt go away when you sobered up again. You cant constantly keep masking it though...you can only hide behind drugs for so long until everything youre doing starts to catch up with you. Before you know it, its not as satisfying anymore, youre broke, and youve lost everything you once had. Ive never done bath salts, but Ive done a lot of other things and its all the same.
     
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