Jack ♥

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by feathers, Jan 3, 2011.

  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Yesterday, I miscarried. I say he's my little boy, because that's how I've always imagined him. My little Jack. He was 6 weeks along. And now he's in the hospital in a jar labeled 'HARMFUL' and having tests run on him, probably soon about to be disposed of as biomedical waste.

    My little boy isn't harmful. He's helpless. He shouldn't be in a jar in a hospital, he should be warm and safe inside of me, until he's ready to come out and be a happy, shiny, new baby.

    It's so hurtful to know where he is and what will become of him. I was in love with him. I was planning for his future. I couldn't wait 'til 28th August, when he would be due to be born...

    It's been so hard not to scream through the pain that I am feeling with this loss.

    K x
     
  2. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    :console: we're here for you.
     
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    :hug: Thank you.
     
  4. JD

    JD Member

    Kazine -
    I'm so sorry for your loss :(

    I'm here if you need someone to talk to, I can only imagine the pain you're going through..
     
  5. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Thank you bangzi :hug:
     
  6. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to you and Jack xxx
     
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry...this is so sad...please continue to let us know how you are doing and how we can support you...big hugs
     
  8. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Sorry to hear about your loss, he will always be with you no matter what. I found a article that may be helpful to you.
    http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/lookingafteryourself/dealingwithdeath
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry kazine I hope you have some support some grief coucilling to help you through this tough time.
     
  10. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Thank you everybody for your kind replies.
     
  11. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Had the most horrendous dream last night, in which I was more heavily pregnant than I was with Jack, but I started to miscarry. I went into full blown labour, contractions and everything, and I had to go into hospital to deliver my dead baby.

    Every time I see a baby I think of mine, that I lost, and every time someone mentions babies, the same happens. Babies are just everywhere these days. Just keeps breaking me down.

    I had a panic attack and a crying outburst in the refectory today because the little charm I bought for Jack set me off. I just wish I could have my own little baby and it hurts even more now that I've lost one.
     
  12. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    A few days after I posted this thread I learned that I was actually further along in my pregnancy than I thought, by a month. I worked out my new due date as 25/07/11. This date is rapidly approaching. I've found myself dreaming about pregnancy again - it's like my body knows that in 3 days I would have had my little boy.

    Kaz x
     
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :hug: I know it doesn't help hun but I'm sorry
     
  14. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Thank you IV :hug:

    Kaz x
     
  15. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    :bday:

    Happy Birthday Jack. Wish I was holding you in my arms right now. ♥

    I'll never forget you.

    Mummy x x x x x
     
  16. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Cried my eyes out last night. Can't believe you'd be nearly 2. Wish you were with me now baby. Love you.

    Mummy xxx
     
  17. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Mummy's having a bad time at the minute baby. I was on my way to uni the other day and I saw an advert for miscarriage support. Obviously the people who put it there meant well but it just brought my loss of you crashing back to me. I've been miserable ever since. I dreamed I was pregnant that night which didn't help either. Then there's all the mothers day presents that are in the shops at the minute. Honestly the only thing I want for mother's day is to have you in my arms. I'm so unhappy at the minute I just wish that I could join you, wherever you are. Thinking of getting a memorial tattoo when I can afford it... I never wanna forget you.

    Mummy x
     
  18. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Feathers, I promise you that you will never forget. Gentle hugs.