Jan 2010, when my Marriage will be over and so will I.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Oct 16, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    For the past several days, I have been suffering from terrible, debilitating canker sores. I talk on the phone for a living. I dont have the time off from work, so I have to work. I have tried antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, many different otc pain meds...., kind like throwing a raw egg against a brick wall, expecting the wall to break. Nothing has worked.

    Then while looking around in the medicine cabinet one day this week, I discoverd an old prescription for Vicodin that my wife had from 10/08. I have used some of those off and on since. I never asked her, I just did it to ease the pain so I could work.

    I know she would say that if the pain was that bad I should have gone to see a dentist or doctor. But when and with what? I didnt have any money until just today, and I can't take time off from work, as I have no time available.

    Sooner or later, she will discover the missing pills. She will know it was me. Afterall I am an alcoholic.

    So....I can't tell her what I did, as I am too ashamed.

    Rather...when I get home tonight, I am going to tell her that we will make it thru the holidays, but come January, I will move back out.

    This never would have happened had it not been for those stupid canker sores. And now look at what has happened.

    I am such a pathetic looser. I really truly do hate myself and sometimes wish I really were dead.
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Bill, you've got to give your wife the benefit of the doubt. She might understand.
    If you tell her the whole story from beginning to end she will understand. Don't jump the your marriage being over and moving out. Don't give up so easily.
  3. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I think this is what they call catastrophising (and I know cos it's my favourite trick) when you say A+B=Z and it's all or nothing. I'm sure that your wife would not want you to be in pain and were my husband in pain and I had meds that could help then I would happily hand them over. Why not just talk to your wife, tell her what you did and why and wait for her reaction rather than jumping the gun and talking about moving out. Even if she's annoyed you took them without telling her doesn't mean that it can't be talked out.
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    You know what, I am a 43 fricking year old man. I do have a backbone and balls and screw it. If she says anything, I will just tell her I took some damned pills for my damned pain, so I could go to my damned work.

    And I will expect that to be the end of it.
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Right on Bill, because that's exactly how it is and she shouldn't see it as any other way.
    You are a good man and you are trying hard. She should know that and she will see that. :hug:
  6. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey Bill.

    I share your pain, well not the exact same on, but I know all about pain and painkillers cause I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and God knows how much pain that gives, so I have acess to a big supply of painkillers.

    Sometime ago I became addicted to the ones I was taking regulary and I hid my addiction for a long time, taking more than the dose the doctor prescribed, but always afraid my mother would find out.

    A few weeks ago, I decided to accept it was time to stop it and decided to tell my mother. At first she was angry that I didn't tell her sooner, but in the end she offered nothing but support.

    So, my advice to you is, tell your wife before she finds out. When people find somthing nasty about someone else, they tend to immediatly create their own story in their heads and then when you try to explain it's much harder to make them understand. If you're in pain, I'm sure she'll understand. If you put a painkiller in front of a person in pain, even if that person has a lot of self-control, he'll eventually fall into temptation and take the pill. She'll understand that, if you tell her BEFORE she finds out by herself.

    And if you're an alcoholic (even active or in rehabilitation) surely it's a bad idea to end your marriage. The change in your life plus the fact that no one keeps tabs on your drinking will make you drink even more.

    Keep posting my friend, we're here to listen.
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    So... you took some pills. You didnt abuse them ( I'm guessing because there are still some left). You took them for what they were meant for to help ease the pain. Bill she is your wife, your partner. You did it so tell her. Regardless of how she reacts she has the right to know if you are equals in this marriage. Throw the crystal ball out man!!! Dont worry about something until it happens. One of three things is going to happen. She'll get mad, or she'll understand or she wont really give a rats ass either way. You did it. Cant change that. But dont be bouncing all over in so many directions about it. Not until you have her reaction. Then tell her like you said "I took some damned pills for my damned pain, so I could go to my damned work." Now you might want to leave out the cusses depending on how she reacts to finding out. But throwing away your marriage, the thing that you have been working so hard at to keep together? Bill just tell her, get it over with and then you can both walk away from it. Good luck.
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