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**January 13th 2007**

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I swear on my life I fucking hate him!! the fucking barstard has been chatting shit about me!! I never knew I could hate my brother as much as I do now!!

I just been told that he's on cocaine and that he's been trying to get others to do cocaine. but the thing that hurt the most is that he's been telling everyone that he use to go round beating me up till the point where I was in hospital. he even said he broke my nose, how low can someone fucking stoop to try big someone up. and at the expense of someone her KNOWS is depressed.

somepeople know I have s date in my head and have had that date for a few weeks. yeah january the 13th, the day he turns 18, the day I wanna fucking ruin for the rest of his life like he's done to me, every birthday make him remember what he drove me to! but that wouldn't fucking matter to him would it, he's proberbly throw a party or something.

right now I feel so set on that date, I wanna do it so bad and I dunno if I intend to do it or not. this morning I said I wouldn't but now I will.

I was just on the phone to my mate and she thought it was all funny that I is drunk but the I called Ester and I feel like I've upset her :sad: I say stupid things when I'm drunk, the only reason I'm not burning the shit outta myself right now is cos I'm with family. that's it, I couldn't give a shit about the way me arm looks anymore, what's it gonna matter in the end eh??

-- January 13th --
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