Jays own world

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by JayLee, May 28, 2008.

  1. JayLee

    JayLee Well-Known Member

    Lets give rambling a try..

    Am very annoyed, angry, pissed off, depressed, sad.. whatever. Just not happy.. Why does this week have to suck so bad? Stupid question. Should never ask questions that are answered "Just because!" God, did I hate hearing that when I was little. Maybe that's why I'm so stupid now.. because I never learned "why" for anything.

    I can't wait to get away from here. But of course it's going to have to be harder than it should be. Stupid family. Why did you bother with me? Why did you fight for me when you could of had a much better life without me? Are you stupid? Were you high, drunk? You should of let go of me when you had the choice. Then your life would be better and mine would be over ALREADY rather than just trying to end it now.

    Why am I stuck with this life that I don't even want when there's people out there dying of terrible diseases that want so dearly to live but God's taking them early anyways? How the fuck does that work? People that want to live, die.. people who want to die, don't. Are we supposed to have to take matters into our own hands? Is this a test? Am I supposed to fight to find a way to live or fight to get what I truly want?

    And J****, I'm so sorry. You're so far away and I love you so much but I have to let go of you just as you'll have to let go of me when you come home. I know it's only weeks away but even so, you're much better off with someone else, anyone else. I suck.

    I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck.

    :mad: :sad:

    Why am I so angry now? I want to know why I feel this way.. I want to know the source. I want to know where this pain from inside can come from. I want to understand these things!

    I wish I could just shoot myself. Fast and get it over with. I'm sorry. Sorry sorry sorrry.

    I need to stop.