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Jealousy or good reason for anger?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hurted, Dec 28, 2012.

  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    This time i'm writing on behalf on my friend.
    He and his gf have been together for 16 months and they understand each other great, the only major problem seems to be they fight a lot due to his jealousy problems, as she calls it.
    Here are a few conflict situations and i would like your opinion if jealousy is normal reaction in these situations or unreasonable. Let me assure you that i know both of them well and i know that they do truly love each other and could never cheat, so try to keep this in mind.

    1.) Conflict 1: His girlfriend wants to go on a drink with a guy, who likes her, just because that's the only way he will stop bothering her with invites. He gets very angry on her, saying she is being disrespectful, while she accuses him of jealousy and being insecure.

    2.) Conflict 2: His girlfriend was asked to dance on a prom with a good friend of her, who is also madly in love with her. Her boyfriend once again found situation as a disrespectful, while she thought she doesn't trust her enough.

    3.) Conflict 3: Her boyfriend is bothered by a fact that she wants to go on a beach topless.

    4.) Conflict 4: His girlfriend is bisexual and has slapped her best female friend on ass a couple of times, until she got into agreement with her boyfriend that this is not apropriate.

    What is your opinion? Is my friend too insecure and lacks trust in her or does she lack boundaries in relationship? As i said, i'm sure they would never cheat on each other and that they truly love each other.
  2. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    Conflict 1 and 2, he probably has some justification to be jealous. Both the men involved have feelings for her, and going out with them might give them some false hopes.
    Conflict 3, he should really lighten up.
    Conflict 4, he's probably overreacting a bit.
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Are these conflicts hypothetical?

    At any rate, conflict one would be a bit of both, to me. Of course, it is only natural to feel jealous when you see the person you have given your heart to spending time with another bloke; even more so when it is in a pub environment, as that generally tends to imply a more intimate side of a relationship.

    The second, I would say that it is not so much disrespectful, if all it involves is a dance, be the friend in love with her or not. It only becomes disrespectful if he makes any kind of romantic 'move' on her.

    Third, personally speaking, I never so much saw the whole point in why people always seem to make a big deal out of how other people dress (or lack thereof). Going topless at the beach, here in Australia is pretty much the norm these days, particularly in people in the early 20s - mid 30s age range. This is the twenty-first century; with countless nudist beaches around the World, it is not much of a crisis to be seen simply going without a bikini top at any public beach.

    And finally; she is bisexual. That is not a crime (except to the religious zealot freaks) - I would think that the main issue with this would be if the girl she slapped on her arse had any kind of problem with it. Yet since you give no indication of this, then it is simple, harmless fun. Let her have her fun.
    No girl (or bloke, for that matter) likes a control freak. If that is how he feels about everything about her, then he is not ready to be in any sort of relationship, from my perspective. Either he needs to lighten up and enjoy life or he will soon enough find himself waving goodbye to her.
  4. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Leif, those conflicts are not hypothetical, they did occur in previous few months.
    Personally, the only conflict i would find problematic is conflict 2. I agree with my friend that there is no reason to dance with someone who is in love with you if you are in a serious relationship. Perhaps i view this differently than others, but to me it seems a bit unnecessary to dance with someone who is in love with you, as dance certainly is intimate at least to some degree.

    And as far as the control issues are concerned. Yes, i believe he can be somewhat controlling and at few times even emotionally abuse (i think that happened only once, when he ignored her for a day, and they had severe fight because of his actions).
    At least as far as i know, they are pretty much happy together and get along great, which why i find it sad they fight so often due to such unimportant issues. Thanks for reply.