Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ben, Jan 1, 2007.

  1. Ben

    Ben Guest

    I must be, the single most jelous person in the entire world. After letting it destroy one of my larger relationships i made a vow to myself when i got together with my Charlie not to make the same mistake twice. It was easy to begin with, the little things like a boy mate phoning her up instead of getting all worried and asking what she was talking about i just chilled out and went with it. I carried on like that, and its been nearly half a year now and recently ive been swept away be these jelous feelings. Acting off with her, and not being the Ben she loves. Its not fair on her to have to worry about what she is saying and who she is talking to for my sake. So once again i stepped back... and chilled zee fuck out.

    That worked for another time, then last night at a new years party we were together fucking around - drinking - having a good time, the next thing i know ive woken up at home and i go to the house where the party is hosted and there she is... She hugs me and she its cool... The thing she tells me is that a friend of mine was trying it on with her most of the night when i was elsewhere... So then completely enraged that she left it until he had left to tell me, i had to deal with it... She said no ofc and sent him packing... But him having his hands on her is enough to enrage me.

    Later she tells me that it wasnt just during the drunk infused night he did it he also did it in the morning. Which leaves the guy with no excuse. Now, i either take this to the guys face and demolish him, take it to his face and talk about it, or i take it out on charlie... Now i know which one i want to do. But im going to talk it over with the fuck head.

    Main point is i find it really REALLY hard to deal with jelously, and i cannot stand to let anyone see that there are flaws in the relationship partly through fears that someone could use them to end us. Loads and loads of depressed hours and frustration are miss-placed in this topic. I know damn well that Charlie isnt the kind of girl that is going to cheat, and i know she loves me immencly but i still am vindictive to her through jelously... How do i deal with this guys? I dont think i can go on being a fool...

    Its a bit late to post this, because im over the majority of problems and ive kinda developed a sheild to this kinda thing, but i can see it getting the better of me again. So lets hear it! How do i deal with this shit?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    you know it might be an idea to tell her you have jealousy issues, then she will have a better understanding of why you might suddenly throw a moody at her.
  3. Ben

    Ben Guest

    She knows, she really helps me. She looks after me when im in those states... Its still not fair on her to have to deal with it anyway
  4. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    Have you been cheated on before to bring this level of jelousy in?
  5. Ben

    Ben Guest

    I did have a person constantly flirt with a friend of mine, but that girl assured me nothing was going on... She went out with him after we split up, so yeah i had a nasty encounter... But i was jelous before that
  6. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    Do you have low self esteem? That could be a reason why you have a lot of jelousy.

    Maybe talk it through with a counsellor, could that be an option?
  7. Ben

    Ben Guest

    I dont think that i have low self asteem. I can sometimes put on a front, called college :) Its not too bigger an issue to see a shrink over... Just occasionally getting over-come and really angry.. Think i can see it back-firing big time on the realtionship...
  8. Just_visiting

    Just_visiting Well-Known Member

    I think trust isnt something that you automatically have in a relationship. No matter how much you love the person. It is something that has to take time, and has to be earnt. Its not surprising that you are jealous, but it is a positive thing that you are trying to work on it. That shows this relationship means alot to you.

    As i said i think trust needs to be earnt and from what you have said you are both doing that so far. You have been honest with your girlfriend about the jelousy and in return she has been honest with you. The fact that she told you quickly that this guy had tried it on with her shows that she is trustworthy and also trust you to deal with it appropriately.

    I think that as time progresses your trust for each other will grow and that will then lesson your jealousy because u will know that no matter who tries it on with her she will always come back to you and really then there is nothing to be jelous of because u have the girl u want and watever loser tried it on with her has lost out.

    In the meantime all i can suggest is to keep talking to your girlfriend about your jealousy and also keep trying to keep it under control. Remind urself that your girlfriend has chosen to be with you and thats wat important. Dont be jealous of people that try to get her, be sorry for them because they will never have what u have.

    Hope i helped.
    Take care
  9. Ben

    Ben Guest

    That helps alot man, cheers. Seriously well summed up...

    Thanks, thanks alot
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm well I have never had to deal with that kind of jealousy. The only kind I have ever had to deal with is jealousy of what my friend has and what I do not have.

    You see my friend has a girlfriend who just feel into his lap. He did nothing to hook up with her and now they have been dating for 3 years. He tells me all sorts of things, like what she got him for giftmas, or his birthday or how incredibly horny she is. And it just pisses me off, I have just waited around, like him. And yet I have nothing. And really this is nothing in fact it gives me a little more hope. Then he talks about all his experiences with females. How they all approach him and flirt with him. Yet I have put myself in similar situations and no one speaks to me.

    But what do I do to remedy these feelings? Simple I come to the net, here or Gaia or LJ, and I rant to my hearts content in hopes that someone will hear it all. Generally I just get depressed but ranting somewhere where people will hear is always helpful.