Jim's Happiness Cafe 18th June Thursday

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Aurelia

πŸ”₯ A Fire Inside πŸ”₯
SF Supporter
#21
Well for other people it may be something they can controll, but for someone as shy and socialy anxious as me its kinda not up to me, id never walk up to person randomly and compliment them. I spent a year in uni and made 0 friends, thats the level of shyness and social anxiety we are talking about (I was active there, i did go to clubs and societies but since i dont initiate convos then noones gonna talk to me)
I get what you're saying. I've taken lesser grades than I deserved in school at times because I was too anxious to present my papers and projects. I guess music is something I'm passionate about, so if I saw someone who was wearing a band shirt I really liked, I'd probably say something. I do know how difficult it can be, but that doesn't mean you don't have any control over it at all. You can still choose to act despite the fear trying to hold you back. It's not easy, but you can start maybe taking smaller steps like asking someone what time it is. You do something enough times, and it does become easier. I've also found that when you absolutely need to talk to someone, the fear gets put aside. For example, when I've really needed a ride from work from a co-worker. It was either I talk to them and ask them, or I take an hour and a half walk home in the rain at midnight. My social anxiety told me, "But what if..." and then logic told me, "Fuck that, you're asking, because you're not walking home in the rain after a 9 hour shift."
 

berryStraw

Not totaly useless,I can be uses as a bad example
#23
I get what you're saying. I've taken lesser grades than I deserved in school at times because I was too anxious to present my papers and projects. I guess music is something I'm passionate about, so if I saw someone who was wearing a band shirt I really liked, I'd probably say something. I do know how difficult it can be, but that doesn't mean you don't have any control over it at all. You can still choose to act despite the fear trying to hold you back. It's not easy, but you can start maybe taking smaller steps like asking someone what time it is. You do something enough times, and it does become easier. I've also found that when you absolutely need to talk to someone, the fear gets put aside. For example, when I've really needed a ride from work from a co-worker. It was either I talk to them and ask them, or I take an hour and a half walk home in the rain at midnight. My social anxiety told me, "But what if..." and then logic told me, "Fuck that, you're asking, because you're not walking home in the rain after a 9 hour shift."
Not gonna lie, I would have ended up 100% walking instead of asking. Im just used to being always on my own and not relying on anyone else because I dont like bothering other people.
 

Aurelia

πŸ”₯ A Fire Inside πŸ”₯
SF Supporter
#24
Not gonna lie, I would have ended up 100% walking instead of asking. Im just used to being always on my own and not relying on anyone else because I dont like bothering other people.
Okay, well what if you knew that there was someone that was going to follow you and try to mug you if you walked, would you still avoid asking for a ride?
 

berryStraw

Not totaly useless,I can be uses as a bad example
#25
Okay, well what if you knew that there was someone that was going to follow you and try to mug you if you walked, would you still avoid asking for a ride?
Yeah even then, I am really stuborn and I mean if theres a chance of me dying then Ill take it because im depressed and feel suicidal often anyways. Also I do have to walk from work 2-5 am usually for 30 mins so its not like the feeling is foreign to me, even in rain and even when it kinda feels scary (first few times it was a bit creepy walking but I got used to it and I prefer walking at night nowadays than walking during the day because its always so calm)
 

Aurelia

πŸ”₯ A Fire Inside πŸ”₯
SF Supporter
#26
Yeah even then, I am really stuborn and I mean if theres a chance of me dying then Ill take it because im depressed and feel suicidal often anyways. Also I do have to walk from work 2-5 am usually for 30 mins so its not like the feeling is foreign to me, even in rain and even when it kinda feels scary (first few times it was a bit creepy walking but I got used to it and I prefer walking at night nowadays than walking during the day because its always so calm)
I don't think you really want to die, and surely, not that way. You said it felt a bit creepy a few times. That's your survival instinct. Your brain told you, "Stay on alert because I want to live." You don't purposely put yourself in dangerous situations like that, do you?
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#27
.. I cant make people like me, I cant make employess hire me. So if any part of my life involves people then that aspect of my life is uncontrollable and cant change.
Hey @berryStraw . I feel the same as you do regarding people. I can't make other people like me . So any part of my like that involves other people is uncontrollable. I tried very hard in the past to fit in the society, to mix with people , to be sociable but people seem to not like me no matter what I do. Now I have give up on that aspect and no more trying to please other people (so that they like me) . I am just trying to be happy alone.
 

Aurelia

πŸ”₯ A Fire Inside πŸ”₯
SF Supporter
#28
Hey @berryStraw . I feel the same as you do regarding people. I can't make other people like me . So any part of my like that involves other people is uncontrollable. I tried very hard in the past to fit in the society, to mix with people , to be sociable but people seem to not like me no matter what I do. Now I have give up on that aspect and no more trying to please other people (so that they like me) . I am just trying to be happy alone.
But we do need other people in order to survive. One can't survive completely alone in the world without talking to anyone at all. Just to maintain basic things like a job, finances, shelter, we need to talk to people. Feeling a sense of belonging is a basic psychological need for us as well. At least, if you don't want to be miserable. Why do you think people don't like you? You don't have to jump through hoops to please other people all the time or change who are. Regardless of one's character, there will always be certain people who like you and certain people who don't. Of course, if you act like a total ass to people, then they're more likely not to like you. But if you treat people with respect, and you're a caring, kind, trustworthy individual, there's no reason for them not to like you. I think a lot of people like you here, so that says something.
 

JMG

~ Peace and love to all ~
#29
Tysm for the tags @JDot & @Innocent Forever :)

What is happiness? What does it mean to you?
Doing things that make you feel happy I think. What it means to me is seeing someone or something I love like sweet cats, family, friends, good/deep/intense conversation, reading, writing, creating, looking at art, nature, feeling peaceful, relaxed and content, eating yummy kinds of food & playing games. Just not being worried or stressed out.

If you had your own theme park, what would be the theme of the park?

Prob. pretty obvious lol but ya I think it would be so awesome if there was a Star Wars theme park (I know there's Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland but still it would be better if there was a whole park dedicated to it called Star Wars World or Star Wars Land or something, it'd be great. There'd be lots of cool collectible things, more from the original trilogy than the newer movies. There'd be lots of Luke Skywalker shirts, pants, socks, shoes, pens, keychains, backpacks, stickers, posters, books, magazines, pillows, blankets, mugs, cups, cookies, candy, cereal, cards, tins, figurines, dolls, all kinds of things it would be very perfect & awesome imo :)
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#30
But we do need other people in order to survive. One can't survive completely alone in the world without talking to anyone at all. Just to maintain basic things like a job, finances, shelter, we need to talk to people. Feeling a sense of belonging is a basic psychological need for us as well. At least, if you don't want to be miserable. Why do you think people don't like you? You don't have to jump through hoops to please other people all the time or change who are. Regardless of one's character, there will always be certain people who like you and certain people who don't. Of course, if you act like a total ass to people, then they're more likely not to like you. But if you treat people with respect, and you're a caring, kind, trustworthy individual, there's no reason for them not to like you. I think a lot of people like you here, so that says something.
I agree with you @Aurelia . Thanks for the kind words. I am looking forward to your advise.
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#31
Well for other people it may be something they can controll, but for someone as shy and socialy anxious as me its kinda not up to me, id never walk up to person randomly and compliment them. I spent a year in uni and made 0 friends, thats the level of shyness and social anxiety we are talking about (I was active there, i did go to clubs and societies but since i dont initiate convos then noones gonna talk to me)
Twice in my life when I was standing around realizing I had no way of reaching out to people I was approached by fairly persistent people who genuinely wanted to know me. It ultimately was temporary but temporariness is the nature of existence. Just the same, I ended up with unexpected temporary friends which I benefitted from. Yes, you may be more shy than I, but unless we get together and do some serious comparing, I can still claim to be more shy than you😊. Ok, we just don't know.

Personally I don't think a club is the right kind of place to find a friend. Maybe a meetup pertaining to an interest or curiosity might be helpful.

I do believe that regardless of shy degree, friendship could occur in a life when it is least expected. Sometime around now could be possible since presently you don't seem to be expecting it. Anyway, I don't think we've actually met yet. I'm dan. Happy to meet you.
 

berryStraw

Not totaly useless,I can be uses as a bad example
#32
I don't think you really want to die, and surely, not that way. You said it felt a bit creepy a few times. That's your survival instinct. Your brain told you, "Stay on alert because I want to live." You don't purposely put yourself in dangerous situations like that, do you?
Id rather be dead than live another day because they all equaly suck...sure the survival instinct is always there but I dont control it either.
 

MisterBGone

ReaLemon
SF Supporter
#33
Thank You πŸ™ Jdot! :) I have spotted your β€œbat signal!!” Here Ye! Here_ye’ : come one ☝️ come all; ... ah! A spotted Owl πŸ¦‰; ) _
To MeπŸ˜„πŸŒšπŸšͺβœ…πŸ€”πŸ€πŸ› ) there, that’s better - happiness β€œ is, β€˜Sheryl Crow(e), singing 🎀 β€œif it makes you. . , come every body!” /// da AaaA da . . ) // it is also; I forgot! I had a second. I swear. I did. ): Grr..! ;^))_!*β€’.,!’~^>) lets just skip ahead to my Lou & the β€œtheme park!” If I had a million theme parks (if I had a million theme parks!) - the first one would definitely contain, or have Dinosaurs πŸ¦• in πŸ¦– it: (oooo!$ that’s good; im’a go write that down..;) there’d be zombies πŸ§Ÿβ€β™€οΈ for πŸ§Ÿβ€β™‚οΈ Sure! Blood (oh, yes! There will beβ€”) , um 😢 which music thread were we in again?.? β£οΈπŸ’•πŸ’žπŸ’“πŸ’—πŸ’“πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’œπŸ’–πŸ’˜πŸ’πŸ’˜πŸ’–β€οΈπŸ–€πŸ€πŸ’™πŸ’šπŸ§‘πŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’”πŸ€Žβ€οΈπŸ’›πŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’™πŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’šπŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ–€πŸ€πŸ€ŽπŸ’•β£οΈπŸ’žπŸ’“πŸ’—πŸ’πŸ’˜πŸ’–πŸ’™πŸ§‘β€οΈπŸ’™πŸ’šπŸ’œ
 

berryStraw

Not totaly useless,I can be uses as a bad example
#34
But we do need other people in order to survive. One can't survive completely alone in the world without talking to anyone at all. Just to maintain basic things like a job, finances, shelter, we need to talk to people. Feeling a sense of belonging is a basic psychological need for us as well. At least, if you don't want to be miserable. Why do you think people don't like you? You don't have to jump through hoops to please other people all the time or change who are. Regardless of one's character, there will always be certain people who like you and certain people who don't. Of course, if you act like a total ass to people, then they're more likely not to like you. But if you treat people with respect, and you're a caring, kind, trustworthy individual, there's no reason for them not to like you. I think a lot of people like you here, so that says something.
yes people are esencially a basic necessity but they dont like people like me anyways so its not something I can have in life. I dont have a choice, I dont act poor, I dont even remember ever insulting other people its just that other people get along and well I dont, I dont bother them and they dont bother me,If I dont initiate covos noone will and even if I do Id get a better conversation while talking to a wall because people arent interested anyways so I cant change that. Ill just point to the fact that I spent a year in uni got 0 friends while going to : archery, judo, aikido, board games society, horseriding. and now im doing salsa classes for over a year and started doing kickbox for a few months (all before lockdown ofc). People are just out of reach for me. I guess that a big reason why im depressed all the time
 

berryStraw

Not totaly useless,I can be uses as a bad example
#36
Twice in my life when I was standing around realizing I had no way of reaching out to people I was approached by fairly persistent people who genuinely wanted to know me. It ultimately was temporary but temporariness is the nature of existence. Just the same, I ended up with unexpected temporary friends which I benefitted from. Yes, you may be more shy than I, but unless we get together and do some serious comparing, I can still claim to be more shy than you😊. Ok, we just don't know.

Personally I don't think a club is the right kind of place to find a friend. Maybe a meetup pertaining to an interest or curiosity might be helpful.

I do believe that regardless of shy degree, friendship could occur in a life when it is least expected. Sometime around now could be possible since presently you don't seem to be expecting it. Anyway, I don't think we've actually met yet. I'm dan. Happy to meet you.
I didnt mean a club like the dancing club , in uni theres "clubs and societies" basicaly anything physical is a club like kickbox club, while societies would be like "mental health society" or "games society"... I wouldnt even dare try make friends at a proper club xD

and yeah the only 2 friends i got is not because I was the one who talked to them its because they talked to me and they never really went away.
 

Aurelia

πŸ”₯ A Fire Inside πŸ”₯
SF Supporter
#37
yes people are esencially a basic necessity but they dont like people like me anyways so its not something I can have in life. I dont have a choice, I dont act poor, I dont even remember ever insulting other people its just that other people get along and well I dont, I dont bother them and they dont bother me,If I dont initiate covos noone will and even if I do Id get a better conversation while talking to a wall because people arent interested anyways so I cant change that. Ill just point to the fact that I spent a year in uni got 0 friends while going to : archery, judo, aikido, board games society, horseriding. and now im doing salsa classes for over a year and started doing kickbox for a few months (all before lockdown ofc). People are just out of reach for me. I guess that a big reason why im depressed all the time
What do you mean peopke like you? People with your interests or people with mental illness?
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#39
I didnt mean a club like the dancing club , in uni theres "clubs and societies" basicaly anything physical is a club like kickbox club, while societies would be like "mental health society" or "games society"... I wouldnt even dare try make friends at a proper club xD

and yeah the only 2 friends i got is not because I was the one who talked to them its because they talked to me and they never really went away.
i hear the word β€œclub” and being so out of it, just assume... oops! sorry! anyway, i still believe in the idea that friendship could catch you off guard and work out nicely for you. i let that theory play into my life even still. at any rate, hoping for you. and happy to see you around here. i’m around much of the time.
 

Aurelia

πŸ”₯ A Fire Inside πŸ”₯
SF Supporter
#40
Shy,socialy anxious, extremely depressed, unstable (as in frequent mood swings)... noone wants a damaged guy in their life.
Well, I'm pretty much all of those things too, and some people do still like me despite that. So I'm sure they would like you despite that as well. I know you've said that you participated in a lot of different things before and had trouble making friends, but I think that's probably because you have trouble conversing with people in person due to your social anxiety. But you seem to express yourself just fine on here, and I'm sure people would love to be your friend. So if you were able to just be yourself in person like you do here, it would probably yield the same result.
 
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