Job Application

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Petal, Aug 19, 2009.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

    NAME: Greg Bulmash

    SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

    SIGN HERE: Aries.
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    hahaha that had me in stitches!
     
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?????

    How did my application get here? :laugh:
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :rofl:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thanks for the laugh glad he got the job
     
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Makes one wonder how the interview went? lol
     
  7. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Hahahahahahahh wonderful<3
     
  8. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Hahhahahhaah to both the application and to you, Bill! XD
     
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    lol awesome
     
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