job loss

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by frantic, Feb 5, 2013.

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  1. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    i lost my job in december, a job that i had loved very much. since my last ip hospital trip i had started feeling a bit better about it. then this morning something happened that triggered me right back to that time. now it feels all fresh again, like it just happened yesterday. i want to cry, i want to die, i'm just really seriously severely deeply depressed again.
    i don't know if i can handle going through it again. back to feeling worthless. back to feeling not good enough.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are good enough hun don't let this job loss take away who you are ok WE all have lost a job or two hun Please do not judge yourself so harshly hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Are you working with a therapist that you can tell what you are going through? It is so important to work through this and to regain your sense of stability so that you know you are strong and resourceful
  4. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    i do have a therapist, but we haven't talked about this yet. i have only seen her twice so far.

    i have never lost a job before. i have never had any trouble finding a job, and i have never ever lost one. sorry, that sounds like bragging, but ti's just a fact. it hurts so bad, especially sine i only got positive feeback from the supervisors and the hr managers. everybody always told me how impressed they were with my performance, how great i was doing, and so on. losing that job came as a total shock. iwas compltetly blindsided. i dont' understand. i was not given a reason why.

    why even keep trying when being awesome is not good enough? how am i supposed to top that? if i can't keep a job with an outstanding performance, how will i ever keep one? how will i ever feel secure again in a job? i would understand if i had screwed up in any way, but apparnetly i didn't.

    so yeah, i'm not good enoughn, that's what it all comes down ot. just a waste of space. never good enough. no efrort of mine is ever good enough. not even in the hsopital.

    cant trust anyone. all liars.

    like my nmom used to say, can't do anything right. never good enough.
  5. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    i'm so tired. i just want to sleep sleep sleep. i want the nightmares to end. i want me to end.
  6. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    You are grieving for your job. It seems very unfair to have no reason given. Understandably hurts. It's knocked your sense of who you are off balance. What did/ do your work colleagues say?
  7. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    i didn't get to talk to thema gain. so i don't know. and thinking about them is very painful. we were like family. we had a wonderful work environment.

    it's not just the loss of my job. that's a huge part of it, but there's other things going on. our house is going on the market tomorrow, and hopefully we can get it sold quickly, so we dont' have to do a shortsale or lose it to foreclosure. the foreclosure is already going. and hopefully we'll get enough for it to break even, so we don't owe anything anymore. we really have enough unpaid bills stacked up in the cabinet. and my husband just cant find work. and i wont' even try anymore. and it just goes on and on.

    and im tired. just tired.
  8. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    going down down down

    just found out that a neighbor committed suicide. <edit mod total eclipse method> now i'm jealous. oh how i wish i had a xxx

    i just want to be done with this crap life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 6, 2013
  9. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    talking to myself. yea, its okay, nothing new.

    i really wish i could just exit. just go and not have to worry about leaving grieving kids behind. i dont know how much longer that will still matter though.i'm so tired, in so much pain, and just, done.

    Sweet relief I need you now
    I'm desperate for your sting
    I'm thinking of the where and how
    And how much peace you'll bring

    I need to feel the slow sharp pain
    With crimson streams it ends
    I'm nothing but a human stain
    With razor blades as friends

    They say " one day you'll go too far
    And you will feel death's bite"
    I answer with another scar
    And hope that they are right
  10. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    Dear Frantic,

    you are not talking to yourself here,Mozart is listening.
    I can totally relate to your situation. 100%. I am there right now. Despite being overqualified and God knows what
    it happens. And I am struggling as much as you do as simultaneously also other certainties have crashed.
    I still don't know whether I will be able to stand it if this becomes my situation for good but what keeps me going is the hope that
    around the corner there might be some kind of rescue, though I can hardly see that right now .
    Maybe you could find another job as you were very good at what you were doing ? Maybe it's too early to give up ?
    Loosing one's house on top of that is traumatic but bad things come often not alone.
    Same here. But lets's not throw the towel in yet....lets' assume things are not going to stay that bad .
    I try to do that right now and I wish for you you also resort to this,please rethink your possibilities.
    Lots of us are in the same boat ( Titanic ? ) ,but lets make the most of it while it's still going...
    I am there listening and watching out for you...
  11. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    You're not talking to yourself. Members come from all over the globe so different time zones come into play. Our ability to reply or feel our response is worth while varies. Often I've read posts several times hoping another member "who will write just what is needed" will reply while I feel useless though wanting to help. At the moment I'm zooming from desperate to "could that possibly be hope peering round the corner". Are there a lot of different things involved in your current feelings? Some of them of long standing? If so it takes a long time, with a lot of help to improve those feelings and it's very hard. Initially in therapy it can even get worse. Stick at it, stay with us.
  12. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    already started the day with crap. my day is already ruined. and those damn nightmares and bizarre dreams. i can't take it anymore. was going to call my psychiatrist today, then realized she doesn't work on thrusdays.

    can i go now please??
  13. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    it hurts so much, i need it to stop. i need the pain to go away. i need me to go away. odnt think i can hold on much longer
  14. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    Please talk to us and give this a bit of time,even if it hurts like hell....we are here for you.
  15. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    ive already given it way too much time. im out of time
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