Now the project is coming to a close and again I feel that I am going to get canned. I had an interview today which showed how far behind I am in technology in my field. When I lose this job I can't think of anything else to do but suicide. I think I can succeed - or else I will severely be harmed- in my suicide attempt and I am not ready emotionally. Part of me hopes that there can be a good resolution. (in other words) a job. The other part says that I'm all washed up and that there are no jobs for me as I have been applying places and today's interview was the first in many months. I know I go through this and nothing has happened yet but I feel in my gut that the end is near for the end of the job. I can't be unemployed again. Then I really have to suicide. That or be homeless. I give up. I dunno why I'm writing this except I don't want to suicide but feel I have to. Back to thinking about getting ready emotionally.