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jobless and fed up. call psychiatrist early for appointment?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by scareddude, Apr 6, 2015.

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  1. scareddude

    scareddude Well-Known Member

    I volunteer 12 hours a week in Oxfam, four hours a week in a homelessness charity and 19 hours a week in a charity designed to get me into work.

    I'm in support group for ESA but get nothing other than ni contributions because of my inheritance which is partly locked in ISA's.

    I stopped all medication a month ago. I'm meant to start an accounts night class in two weeks.

    I want to pull out of everything. I got straight as at school but dropped out of my degree. I'm fed up. It's because I'm stuck with my parents and they work that I do so much for nothing.

    I apply for jobs and get rejected. I'm not convinced that accounts training will help me get a job.

    I don't even know what I want. I'm 23 now. The reason I'm trying so hard to get on my feet financially is out of some idea that I want a girlfriend and also a fear of future poverty. I have no enthusiasm for my volunteering or for accounts and going back to maths and making money from it seems unlikely.

    I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 20. Then another doctor decided a year later that it was social phobia, depression, aspergers and psychotic symptoms.

    I have no real enthusiasm for any work based stuff. I'm reading a bit more now though.

    Don't know what to do. Should I cash my isas , run my money down and then get the council to move me away from my parents?

    Few up and uncertain about stuff. Although I talk about a girlfriend etc and enjoy talking when it goes sell, a large part of what I think about when I'm down or angry is to do with people including myself. Maybe I'd be better off in a supported flat thing.

    I'm capable of doing a lot of people's jobs but they don't hire me. Not saying I could go in and start work as a dentist tomorrow but I could easily do shop work...

    People talk a lot about the morality or whatever of work vs no work but I'm not sure the issue is as simple as that...I'm very confused anyway.

    I'm in 9-5 from Tuesday to Thursday at volunteering and I'm fed up.

    Some of the people there make snarky comments all the time and I can see a lot of corruption in the back to work charity I go to (like someone who I happened to go to school with with no relevant qualifications or experience getting an easy paid full time position because her parent is a director of the charity while I the apparently disabled one have to work harder than her to earn her money for her). The lady who gave this girl with no disabilities a job then has the cheek to make snarky comments about how fortunate I am because my parents are wealthy (when the othetr girl from my school has equally wealthy parents and no disabilities) fact is I earn the other woman's salary for her too by doing the hardnwork in the charity. I want to fucking leave the charity but they are my references right now.

    Just want to drop everything and go for walks and sit in my room reading. Having episodes of extreme misanthropy and anger.
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    I am not sure we are from the same countries, since I don't understand some of your terms, but some things are universal, like 'jobless and fed up". For someone without a job, you sure do work awfully hard but volunteer work doesn't pay the bills and I can understand the need to get something in the bank. Unemployment and low income are great depression triggers so you probably should go to the doc appointment in the morning you mention. The fact that there has been some confusion over your diagnosis in the past is another good reason. Will you also get a chance to talk to a therapist and talk about moving out of your parents home? Work out a budget first - but if you can do it, I'd do it myself. It sounds like there is a lot of conflict there.

    BTW: I am just impressed beyond words how hard you work to help others.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 6, 2015
  3. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah I have to give you alot of credit for your volunteer work...
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Well done, you must be so proud doing all that charity work. If not then you should be! I can understand wanting a job, I did volunteer work 5 days a week for 8 months last year and this year I just wanted a job but my doctor did not think I was fit to work. So what I have did instead was applied to go to college and got accepted and start in September, maybe go back to college? As these days college really is needed for a good job.

    I wish you the best of luck.
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