I haven't posted here in a while so I thought I'd give an update on a positive thing that has happened in my life. I joined a political party, and have been spending a lot of time around people who think a lot alike me, and doing things which make me feel really good as a person. Also learning a lot. They are called Socialist Action... and I don't mind mentioning specifically that it is leftist because I do not mind a debate. I've met the guys over the past year or two because they're at every even remotely political event in Connecticut. They are really great guys. I have been doing something party-related almost every day the past week. A rally, a campaign, distributing fliers. I am becoming a better person because of this party, in ways that are not even related to politics. We have to make phone calls to people on our mailing list to let them know about certain events. How anxiety provoking that is. Talking to a stranger on the phone, calling them up out of the blue. Automatically all those feelings of judgment and what they think of me surface, but I have to keep doing it anyway. Everyone else is... I can't just say count me out! So I force myself to do it and you become more confident, less afraid, and I can take that outside the party and use it in every day life. To care less what others think, to be less afraid, to talk to strangers and meet new people! I also know that they teach public speaking! That is also very scary for me, but it is something if I push myself and allow others to push me, it will make me a better person. So I have been feeling pretty better lately because of this and other reasons. I am playing in two bands that are very serious are practicing often. Also I am on a new drug called Suboxone which I was also going to write a forum post about but I'll just leave it at that slight mention for now, and possibly get into more details later. But yeah a lot of good things are happening around me externally, and that is very slowly but surely helping me to feel better internally.