Discussion in 'The Gameroom' started by Twocky61, Mar 16, 2014.

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  1. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Let's cheer each other up sharing jokes

    I'll go first

    It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.

    When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" she says. That's cool. Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do.

    Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.

    Peggy Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."

    Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says "Wha...aaat?"

    "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's mother, "We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why, she 'd screw all night if we let her!"

    Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go.

    Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink for Harold.

    About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:

    "Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called The Twist!"
  2. lonel

    lonel Account Closed

    i like it!

    heres one:

    Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
  3. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Sooooo true Lonel

  4. lonel

    lonel Account Closed

    thanks- people are always telling me im funny- funny looking, funny smelling....but seriously-

    last night i went to the bar and the bartender asked what i wanted. 'surprise me' i said, so he showed me a naked picture of my wife! ( thats from Rodney Dangerfield)
  5. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

    pay attention to me
  6. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Two boys go out scrumping (picking apples)
    Manners climbs over the wall ino a neighbours garden and says to his mate F... Off to watch out for coppers.
    As F... Off is waiting a policeman comes up to him and asks what he is doing.
    "Just waiting" F... Off replies.
    "What is your name?" asks the policeman.
    "F... Off" says F... Off.
    "I will ask you again - what is your name?"
    "F... Off"
    "Where's your manners?" asks the policeman,
    "Oh he's over the wall picking apples."
  7. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

    He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

    George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

    Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Good on George, is what I say, lol!!
  9. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Winnie Mandella answers her front door to find a delivery guy stood on her doorstep
    "Hi Darling sign here please"
    Winnie signs and the delivery guy leaves a hundred car batteries on her fron lawn
    A week later another guy turns up and leaves a hundred car windscreens on her front lawn
    This goes on for a few weeks with various deliveries until Winnie asks to see the delivery invoice.
    "It says Nissan Main Dealer on here. You'll find then up the road on the left"
  10. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    their's a bar is las vegas with a magic mirror. if you tell a lie, the mirror swallows you up

    so a blonde, a redhead, and a broonette all decide to test it

    the redhead starts, i am the most beautiful woman in the united states of america.

    pooff. the mirror swallows her

    broonette says, well, you know, i think i'm the most beautiful person in america!

    poof. the mirror swallows her

    blonde says, i think..... but before she can finnish, poof. the mirror swallows her
  11. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    guy enters a confessional

    he says to the priest, wow, this confessional box is really modern these days. alcahol, ciggerettes, etc etc.

    priest says to him, hey, get out!. you're on my side!
  12. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

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