Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Feb 16, 2009.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
    bed. I turned to her and said,

    "Do you want to have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And then the fight started....


    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

    The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my

    I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

    I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
    come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

    So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'

    And she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
    Social Security office!

    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
    Disability, too'

    And then the fight started.....


    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
    the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

    I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
    torrential downpour.

    The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
    the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

    I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
    whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

    My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is
    out fishing in that?'

    And that's how the fight started ..


    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
    kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
    nearby table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
    drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
    hasn't been sober since.'

    'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
    that long?'

    And then the fight started.....

  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Carnation Milk - 65 YEARS AGO ...

    This is priceless.

    A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.
    When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'
    She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!

    She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house. A man got out and said, 'Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!'

  3. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    What do you call a psychic little person who escaped from jail?
    A small medium at large
    Sorry if that offended anyone, I think its cute. :)
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Can't see it being overly offensive. I like it. :)
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Made me laugh :laugh:
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