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Journals of Mr. Roboto

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CentralValleyMan, Sep 14, 2015.

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  1. CentralValleyMan

    CentralValleyMan New Member

    Last night seemed like forever. Forever in my own mind, back and forth, between what it would be like to just give up and what others would think if I weren't here anymore. I once read somewhere that killing yourself would affect at least six people in your life if not more. I sometimes wonder how long they would really miss me and just move on.

    What brings me to this miserable, alone place that opens up the flood gates? Loneliness. Disappointment. A sense of hopelessness.

    I ache for a friend. I need one. Not just the normal Hi and Bye friend, but a real good friend that is willing to go through life with me. I once had that, but they moved on with life. You know, the friend that finds happiness, gets married, and has children. And now I'm left behind trying to find a sense of belonging.

    I'm a student. College. Classes. Striving for a degree. Mathematics. Being a teacher would be a great feeling. Only real hope I have at this point in my life.

    Overweight. Low self-esteem. Eating diabetes every chance I get to numb. numb. numb. nuuuuummb

    It's sad. I want a friend, but I really don't because it means I have to trust again. It means I have to be willing to risk loss and hurt all over again. Is it in my favor? Or shall I continue on with being lonely on purpose to avoid hurt which makes for an even more depressed and lonely soul?

    Music. I love music. Twenty-three years I've sung and I'm good. I'm really good. People can't even believe the sound of my voice when I sing to them. You should be on 'The Voice.' they say. That will never happen. I've tried out for all of them shows. But I'm overweight. I don't have the story. Thoughts of just giving up on my voice and never letting out a hum ever again. Why? Because I can.

    What will tonight bring. More sobbing? Another bag of white-powdered donuts? Google Search:__Feeling_lonely,_need_a_friend__
    Facebook...Pointless games on my phone...Facebook...Video games....Schoolwork...Restless sleep until morning. END
  2. Sorata

    Sorata New Member

    I've red your post and i understand how you feel :/, if you want someone to talk you can just add me on skype and we can talk everyday! :) If youre interested tell me ^^
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am sorry to read that you feel in such a miserable place right now. Reaching out to let you know that you aren't alone and here if you need to talk about anything *hugs*
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