Journey to the deep

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pioneer, Jan 3, 2009.

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  1. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    This feeling seems to very unclear to many people. These feeling I've experienced I'll try to put them into words. The people who have similar feelings may have everything in the world but its like the saying goes, “The grass is greener on the other side”. As for me I may be what you may consider a success but that doesn't mean a thing to me. All that matters is whether I want my life or not. I won't go into details about that now. I will try to explain what its like to approach death through suicide.

    Its like you are drowning in a deep ocean. Thats basically it. Somehow you slipped off the boat that everyone is riding on and you fell into this ocean that won't let you go. Surprisingly no one has noticed that you've fallen. At first you try to get on but you keep slipping off, like someone has pushed you off. It would have been so much easier if someone noticed and pulled you back in but no one has noticed because you're ignored. They have their own lives to worry about, their own kids, jobs, spouses, and friends. But as you drift and struggle to stay afloat you realize how no one notices you.

    Now comes the scary part. You sink. You cannot reach that boat anymore, not by yourself. Yet still no one notices that you are gone. You struggle to swim but the current is strong and its pulling you down further. You soon reach point in the depth of the ocean where no light can pass through the water so its getting dark and you're terrified. You cannot see in the dark and you're in a foreign environment. Suddenly someone notices but its too late. You're already lost in this darkness. They try to pull you up but they cannot reach you, you're too deep and falling faster now.

    You can't breath, you're drowning, and getting deeper as the pressure is building. Its an agonizing pain this pressure all around you and you are covered in darkness you can't tell up from down, left from right, or whether you're sill sinking or not. All around you you can hear them, these deep sea creatures which you cannot see but can feel them grabbing you, biting you, and pulling you. But you don't know what they are. There's no light and its so very cold. Why didn't know one noticed you've fallen over? This deep you are all alone and sinking further. The sea is overwhelming you as it flood your lungs and squeezes your body. And its so cold, so very cold that it takes all the energy from you body and you can no longer struggle as you sink. You sink for what feels like eons and pray to hit the bottom soon to end the misery and once you do the sinking feeling is lifted, the pressure is relieved, you are no longer cold, and you can rest. At this point you have no feeling. Your body may have been destroyed on the way down but you are numb to everything. Even if you were pulled back to the surface it won't be the same because you've already made the journey to the bottom of the sea.
     
  2. Speck

    Speck Well-Known Member

    wow, couldnt have explained it that well if i'd tried!
     
  3. CrowsCounted

    CrowsCounted Member

    very poetic
     
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