I feel so void, so dark and bleak these past few days...the rain, something that cheers me up, has only made the pain more then I can bear. October is around the corner, and November is closing in on me, like a hideous nightmare, its impending horrors and fears ready to lash out and drive me insane. I attempted suicide a few weeks ago and failed, and that failure makes me upset. No matter what, how or where; I cannot succeed. Is it because I secretly want to live, perhaps as a cripple, or blind by the razor I use to cut myself with? the anniversary of Julian's death is fast approaching, last year I nearly lost myself. I dont know how I can continue to cope. I've been told to stay strong these past 10 years, and its growing more difficult by the day. I'm lost, and the hurt is too much.