I can't fight it anymore. Last night, a friend of mine cut for the first time. It eventually reminded me of the promises I made at college - not to start cutting and not to OD. No-one made me promise anything about this tho. I've been fighting this for almost 3 and a half years. If anyone knew what I was fighting, they'd have known I was doing well with it without asking, even if I was doing it in an unhealthy way. But I can't fight it any more. I don't have the energy. And I know I'm letting numerous people down by doing this, but none of them know what the problem is in the first place - by the time they work it out I'll be so deep in that dragging me out will require strength that I don't even have now. If this works, at least people won't judge me so badly for being ugly.