You do know that what your feeling is depression?
What has led to you to get this depressed is another thing - something you need to talk about IF it's actually got a reason. A lot of the time, you can go from feeling OK to the depths of despair and have no reason. Most of us can work out which form our depression takes. It's either 'just there' or 'something made it happen'. I'm not sure which is the worse - after all, each has its plus and minus points. Depression caused by a specific something or series of something - at least has the identifiable root cause.
Then again, not knowing is hardly a picnic either.
Have you spoken to someone about how you feel? Have you tried some medication or counselling? I'd say that you have little to lose by taking 5mg or whatever of some chemical that could well take a sad song and make it a lot better.
Feeling the way you do is simply your mind manifesting that mental pain as a warning alarm. Just like a tooth might send out clues that something is wrong, so does the mind. Either way, unless you get treatment things will get worse.
You can beat this - but not by suicide. You feel like dying - I'm not going to play games with your emotions, but feeling like something and doing it has a series of checkpoints along the way.
You feel like dying, but that judgement is the view of a worried mind which is veering too far into the negative to be able to make a rational decision. You would not go shopping for clothes right now I'll bet. You feel too off kilter to likely buy something that suits you. You would not be in the mood. By the same measure you cannot make a decision to kill yourself when feeling this way.
Book an appointment in your doctors. In the UK many surgeries have a push button appointment system - you dial the local GP's Surgery just after midnight and you enter your date of birth, your home number (or delegated phone number, parents perhaps) and then get the option to choose which GP to see with appointments starting at 9.00am and continuing to 1.00pm.
Also, can you talk to your parents or any relatives about how you feel? They might well be stunned you feel this down. We are good at hiding this kind of thing.
:hug:
