This was the last day I cut. Today is a challenge for me, to resist going there to cope. If someone had told me I'd be using this method as a form of coping I would have laughed at them. But, here I am. Struggling, trying not to go there. But I can't seem to come down from this horribly invasive anxiousness that has permeated my being today. Its like watching the fireflies - too many to count, you wouldn't know where to start. And then, when you think you might be getting things under control - they move while you are trying to count. I feel a similar sense of disorientation, unable to grasp any one thing, unsure where or what or who to turn to. I don't want to go "there" but if thats the only thing that can help today - and avoid going other places - what choice do I have?