June 30th

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Afridi786, Jun 1, 2008.

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  1. Afridi786

    Afridi786 Member

    I'm going to give it a month, if things don't get better, I'm done, I will not be a pussy and wimp out, thats the day, I can't and won't continue my pathetic excuse of a life past that date, there is no point of living and I have nothing to live for, I'll be sure to leave a note emphasizing how its not anyone's fault but my own and that I'm sorry I had to do this....I'm sure they'll forget me after a few weeks.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    :chopper: Why are you so down. Do you have a family? Sometimes you just have to tell them what is going on. I live at my sisters house and she keeps an eye on me. I tell her most things but I don't mention my suicidal ideations because she has to vent and tells people whats happening with me.
    Are there kids envolved? If there is you need to rethink this because thats going to scar them forever. My daughter, and grandaughter have been my reason to keep living. Here lately that hasn't helped. I have tried getting them to move back here. She says she is scared. I'm not much of a father. She is probably worried I will send her packing again.
    The thing she is missing is she is an adult now so she can do what ever strikes her fancy. Not having them here is part of the reason I am slipping down again.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I hope you reconsider :hug: please keep posting and let us know whats made you feel this way :arms:
  4. Afridi786

    Afridi786 Member

  5. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    I am sorry things are so hard on you... but that's life. Life is suffering and life will always have suffering. Some people are stronger then others and can cope with their suffering, the weaker people end up depressed or finding escapes through drinking and drugs.

    I am a weak person. I am not strong enough to do anything for myself and I can barely help others... I know that I am the only person that can change myself for the better but I am not even strong enough to try let alone fail. I am a weak failure.

    I don't know what to exactly say to you. Everyone makes their own choices, good or bad, they will effect your life, they will effect the people in your world, they will effect a lot of things. Choosing what to do is your decision, you are an adult and I believe you are capable of making adult decisions. How you end your suffering is up to you. You can try harder and work at making yourself better or you can give up and hide from the world. I am not going to be a hypocrite and tell you that hiding is wrong because I myself have been hiding for a long time, I understand it is a major cause to my depression. Everyone wants to do so much with their lives but not everyone can do everything. Doing the best you can is good enough.... You don't have to be extraordinary to matter.

    I hope you can find strength. I hate to see people suffer like me, no one deserves to feel horrible. I hope you find your reason to live, even small reasons are still reasons.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2008
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    you sound exactly like me,

    ''I am 19 years old, I have no friends, I don't have a job, I don't go to school, I don't have any sort of social life, I don't know what I'm suppose to do with myself, everyday I think about my former friends who have moved on with their lives, they're in college, going out with friends, and making something of themselves, and I'm stuck in my parents house afraid of everything. I'm afraid to walk out of the house, I'm afraid to go to school, I'm afraid of people looking at me and judging me, I'm afraid of going to the supermarket for god's sake, if I hear someone laughing, i know its at me''

    I could have wrote that:blink:

    When did all of this start? Do you go outside at all? :arms:
  7. silver76

    silver76 Active Member

    I can tell you from personal experience that it has its ups and downs. I hate life, i hate living, i love pain. I have had a shoulder that needed the rotary cuff replaced for over ten years. I don't do it partially because of the beutifully exquisite pain it gives me. So I can work i eat vicadin by the handfull. then take none on off days. I have been fighting sever depression and suicidal tendencies for nearly 20 years. Actually fighting isn't the right word. I relish them. I can sit in deep depression for months. I won't go outside, except for work. Unfortunatley i negelct the kids abit at these times, but not too much. I keep up apperances very well. I brood. I sit in dark rooms alone, only my lunitic thoughts keeping me company. And that is what i have groan to enjoy. Solitude. I have sought help before. It never really worked. I think about death constantly. But I have obligations. Children that depend on me. A wife who thinks i can love her the way she deserves. One day these things will go away. I will not abandon my kids the way i was. But that day will come. Funny shrinks all think they can fix you. I actually put one in the same facility i was in. Go figure. I no longer can seek help, even if I thought it would work. I am in a sensitive position where, because of what I know and do for a living, I can't seek help. Oh it's there for me. It's free and paid for. Come get help one and all, but if you do you lose your clearance. Nice catch 22 huh. I am in my thirties and I have the same issues you do. I wish I could say it gets better. Many will take the quick road. Some become adept at hiding their inner demons. Some are driven mad by them. An even fewer number actually find help, and live happy lives. You need to chose which you will be. Good luck with your choice.
  8. Afridi786

    Afridi786 Member

    I do leave the house, but I don't like being in public at all...this started around 3 years ago, and it's gotten a bit worse recently.
  9. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Im 23 years old and i am in the same possition as you are.
    I cant work, i live with my parents, i have no education records at all.
    I dont getting any social support and live just becouse my parents
    letting me to stay with them. I dont getting any medical support
    becouse there is none in my city and my parents dont want me
    to search for help in other places. Thay keep telling me that all the shrinks
    i find in newspapers and the internet are all thiefs using people like me.
    I can trully undarstand how you feal, and i will respect your choise
    to finish it, even if others will say that its wrong.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You know I have told my therapist the same thing over and over. She just won't accept my thought about people always looking and laughing at me. She just asks why do you let that bother you so much, they aren't looking or laughing at you they probably are looking right thru you and thinking about something. Other words she says they are in there own little world.
    I tell her that it has always been like this when I was growing up. I would actually have people come over to me and punch me in the face. I wouldn't fight back because my dad always told me if I fight that I would get it worst when I got home. There I go, rambling on. Sorry about that. Just know you can always come on the forum and do a little venting to get some of that off your chest.:chopper:
  11. crying_wolf

    crying_wolf Active Member

    wow i dont post much but this is exactly how i feel and how i am except that im 22 soon i will be 23. Im getting old and dont have a life, i dont know what to do :sad:

  12. crying_wolf

    crying_wolf Active Member

    im 23 (i will be in 2 days) too and in the same position exactly, the few friends i have got married, working even graduated with a master degree and im just a loser. Recently about 2 months ago a miracle happen i met my one of my sisters, she is 18. I have 2 sisters but the older (19) don't know of me yet because im scare to talk to her, ill give it some time.

    My dad never wanted me and since i was in mom belly he hated me, he see me in town and is like he see a ghost he doesn't even look at me, well i have 2 beautiful sisters that didn't knew about me but now one at least know. I love her with all my heart, i always wanted to meet them. I talk to her by windows messenger haven't meet face to face yet, she has invited me to some places but i hate to go out :sad: but i hope one day i will meet her personally.

    Things haven't improve much for me but i feel a little better, i cant describe how much i love my sister:tongue: shes awsome.

    P.S sorry for the grammar errors if any, english is not my main :)
  13. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm dealing with the exact same thing. I get social anxiety sometimes, and I worry everyone judging me or me being the loon. I haven't exactly "moved on" with my life and I don't have a boyfriend. I'm the total anti-social pessimist, I can't even get along with relatives...I'm even shy around them! OH and I'm 19. The worst thing is I missed out on getting my High school diploma and all I have is a GED, so how the hell do I get to a good art school or w/e if I don't have those grade averages. I basically don't do anything right now but eat potato chips and lounge around the house, I try to get into things but my level of concentration is on a scale from 1-10 a 6?
  14. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No one will think you're a pussy for not going through with it.
  15. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    I have 2 sisters too :)
    One of them is younger and one much older then me
    The younger one is serving in the army
    the older one going threw devorse with 2 kids
    I never liked my younger sister, my parents alway had better thoughts
    and much more hope about her then for me. My older sister was
    trully the one who could alway undarstand the way im feeling
    it is great, but unfortuntly she got so much problems now plus
    she lives in a diffrent country, so i cant really get any support from her. :\
  16. Afridi786

    Afridi786 Member

    i dont know, im counting down everyday, there is almost no way i'll survive unless someone happens to come check on me. If i'm alone for an extended amount of time during the day or night, it'll be all over. I just don't want my mom to be the one to find me.
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