I'm 29. Long ago, I high school, I had a crush on a girl (who didn't?). I was so socially inept however that I was oblivious when she flirted with me and I unknowingly shot her down. I didn't realize this until years later. Finally a friend of mine was chatting with her and I managed to hang out with her a few times, but she always brought along her best friend, who I didn't know had had a huge crush on me for just as long. Yay, love triangle. The girl I liked rejected me and I ended up settling for her best friend just out of loneliness, never planning to date her for long. Then I found out about her crush, and being such a masochistic dweeb, of course I could never leave her and ended up marrying her. All along there was the elephant in the room of my feelings for her friend, which never faded. I'm finally divorcing my wife and I'm as crazy about her friend as ever. I've made so many awful, terrible stupid failures and there's no chance she'd ever be interested in me now. I can't forgive myself for my foolishness. I'm so pathetic. She's also in her first long term relationship (at the age of 26), so she'll probably marry the guy. The thought of them having sex makes me physically feel the need to vomit. Oddly this is tearing me apart even more than my pending divorce and having just been fired from my job. It just all adds up to suicide. SHIT SHIT SHIT I just want to be let go from this life. I don't want to be abused by the universe any more. I don't want to have to live with my pathetic mistakes any more. Just let me go, please. PLEASE!