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just a cliché, stupid love drama

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by anonmn, Feb 16, 2011.

  1. anonmn

    anonmn Active Member

    I'm 29. Long ago, I high school, I had a crush on a girl (who didn't?). I was so socially inept however that I was oblivious when she flirted with me and I unknowingly shot her down. I didn't realize this until years later.

    Finally a friend of mine was chatting with her and I managed to hang out with her a few times, but she always brought along her best friend, who I didn't know had had a huge crush on me for just as long. Yay, love triangle.

    The girl I liked rejected me and I ended up settling for her best friend just out of loneliness, never planning to date her for long.

    Then I found out about her crush, and being such a masochistic dweeb, of course I could never leave her and ended up marrying her. All along there was the elephant in the room of my feelings for her friend, which never faded.

    I'm finally divorcing my wife and I'm as crazy about her friend as ever.

    I've made so many awful, terrible stupid failures and there's no chance she'd ever be interested in me now. I can't forgive myself for my foolishness. I'm so pathetic. She's also in her first long term relationship (at the age of 26), so she'll probably marry the guy. The thought of them having sex makes me physically feel the need to vomit.

    Oddly this is tearing me apart even more than my pending divorce and having just been fired from my job. It just all adds up to suicide.


    I just want to be let go from this life. I don't want to be abused by the universe any more. I don't want to have to live with my pathetic mistakes any more. Just let me go, please. PLEASE!
  2. anonmn

    anonmn Active Member

    This morning my son was playing with my cell phone and brought it to my wife, and she opened and saw the phonebook entry for one of her friends (another one) was up, and she got this twisted look on her face. She always thinks I'm trying to turn people against her. Only my kid is the one who had hit the button and put the phone there.

    She said it wouldn't surprise her if I'd been talking to this friend, since I'm always trying to turn her best friend (the one i'm hot for) against her, but it isn't true. I don't even go out of my way to talk to her. It's not my fault I'm in pain. It doesn't mean I'm looking for sympathy. I hate sympathy. I reject it.

    So my wife said her friend doesn't want to be friends with me and I'm just too dense to get the hint. I bet it's true. I bet they both talk about how pathetic I am.

    I've got all I need to kill myself and I want to do it. I want to give up. There is no one close to me. People I thought were my friends ignore me and my messages. No one has actually tried to contact me first in years. I have a therapy appointment in a couple of hours. I'll go. I'll see how it goes. I just want to kill myself and be done. I know I'm one big argument or emotional event away from doing it. This morning was bad. Almost bad enough.