hello my name is shannon. i am 14 years old and i live a pretty good life. i only say this, because i have two perfectly good functioning legs, 2 loving bestfriends, an amazing boyfriend, and i'm 100% healthy. i have several problems though (then again, who doesn't?) but anywho.. i have to go to court april 18th for a truency ticket. i might get probation and it scares the living crap out of me to think about standing in front of a judge, not knowing what could possibly happen next. i try my hardest at pretty much everything i do. i always listen to my parents, but they both resent me... i'm a very kind-hearted person, ask anyone. i think i have an eating disorder, because i barely eat. and when i think about eating, i get sick to my stomach, because i think im fat, and eating would just give me more reason to live. i know god created and gave me this beautiful life, and i love and cheerish it. but sometimes i feel as if i simply do not deserve it. im a failure. im a loser. i feel like peoples' lives would be better without me. i've had SEVERAL thoughts of suicide. and one day im scared that things will be so bad, that i'll just snap. i dont wanna be like that. i don't want to be like this. i miss being in control of my actions and emotions. but now everything is just so confusing and difficult. i wish my life was easier to live. i'm basically living for others. because i dont think im worth much of anything... but i know if i were to die, people would blame me and call me stupid and say i was over dramatic or something like that. but anyways, thanks for reading & listening. bye.