Just a little post for all of you to read

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Sep 25, 2014.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Im suffering from bi polar disorder since im 17 (im 29 now), I had 2 suicide attempts, and i developed anxiety issues for the past 2 years.
    I also abused drugs for a short while,and im on and off treatment throughout those years.
    I never had any support from anyone, and if this is not enough, my family is completely against of who i am, and they are doing everything they can to change me

    So here is what I can say from my experience, yes life is shit, while you are young, its even worse, i know, ive been there.
    But with time, your brain is sort of getting used to the bad feelings, and then you start seeings glimpses of good things too,
    now yeah i know that feeling of "i dont want to get used to it", and "there is no point in life anyways" and so on, and indeed, its very hard to overcome those thoughts.
    and yeah, there is no really a point to try and overcome those thoughts, i sure never did, so why should you?
    But, there are times, where things just, getting better, like a cloudy day, like there is this hole in the clouds and some sunshine brakes through it.
    The universe have its way to balance things, it may sound weird to many of you as you are young and very inexperienced with life,
    but i saw it with my own eyes, i felt it, its there!
    And the most amazing thing is, that when its there, when im in this moment, i look back and say "it was all worth it", all the pain, suffering, everything.

    2 days ago i was about to become homeless, i had a huge fight with my dad, suicidal thoughts filled me, i was in pain,
    all i did was staying in my bed, petty myself, and cry into my pillow.
    today, i have this little plan of survival that i made for myself, it took me 2 days of suffering, but i made it, im no longer afraid of being kicked out of the house,
    i researched on how to survive on the streets, there is lots of info on the internet about it, i obviously wasn't the first one who was interested in this,
    and i feel better.

    thank you for reading
    hope i helped a bit
  2. :hug: are you able to get any support from any organizations?
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there :hug:

    I understand you're suffering with mental illness. The big problem is your dad does probably not understand your illness and probably thinks you are just being a pest,lacy etc.. as they do.
    Is it possible to make some kind of arrangement with him so that you can remain with a roof over your head, such as helping out with the chores, doing some work etc..?
    If not what is the social housing situation in your country? Is there anywhere near you that you can get advice and help?

    I am sorry your situation is so dire, even if you feel alone you're not, we are here. :hug:
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