I feel so tired lately, so weak. I don't want to even leave my bed anymore. I just want to lay here and either sleep or cry. There's so much inside of me and I absolutely hate the fact that I can't just scream it at the top of my lungs. You figure people would be concerned around me with the suicidal, angry poetry and the dark photography, but the truth is they don't want to see. They don't want to take the time to actually look beneath the surface, search behind the smile. If they just asked the smile would falter and the tears would start falling.
I feel like such a failure. I feel like such a lost cause. I sit here and I think about all that I've been through in the past and than I look at today and I realize that I let every little thing eat away at me. I could have been something, somebody, but it all came crumbling down before my eyes.
I'm tired of feeling like a stepping stone and then when I put my foot down I get screamed at like I'm some selfish bitch. Truth be told, I very rarely do for me. I say yes to everyone, I say no problem I'll do it, but then when I want to do something for me, it's what the hell Kelly, you don't do anything around here. It kills me inside that they actually use that to break me down because they know damn well that I do everything possible. I have spent two days by myself stacking firewood. My brothers have been around, but it's me that has trucked the wood from one end of the yard, loaded into the trailer, then stacked it on the other side of the yard. What happens when I take a break?? I get screamed at by my dad's **** of a girlfriend, saying that I don't help around this house. The bitch has a lot of nerve since she's here on a freeride, only helping her kids in the house and no one else.
God, I'm tired. To be honest, I'm sitting here in tears and this will be my method of venting. I will not talk about it past here. I will not cry in front of people or around people. This is my means of letting it out and I guess it will have to suffice. I have no other options. I will paste the smile on and I will be okay. just want to walk away from it all
I want to take the knife and just cut, cut, cut. I just want to pop the pills and become comfortably numb
I feel like such a failure. I feel like such a lost cause. I sit here and I think about all that I've been through in the past and than I look at today and I realize that I let every little thing eat away at me. I could have been something, somebody, but it all came crumbling down before my eyes.
I'm tired of feeling like a stepping stone and then when I put my foot down I get screamed at like I'm some selfish bitch. Truth be told, I very rarely do for me. I say yes to everyone, I say no problem I'll do it, but then when I want to do something for me, it's what the hell Kelly, you don't do anything around here. It kills me inside that they actually use that to break me down because they know damn well that I do everything possible. I have spent two days by myself stacking firewood. My brothers have been around, but it's me that has trucked the wood from one end of the yard, loaded into the trailer, then stacked it on the other side of the yard. What happens when I take a break?? I get screamed at by my dad's **** of a girlfriend, saying that I don't help around this house. The bitch has a lot of nerve since she's here on a freeride, only helping her kids in the house and no one else.
God, I'm tired. To be honest, I'm sitting here in tears and this will be my method of venting. I will not talk about it past here. I will not cry in front of people or around people. This is my means of letting it out and I guess it will have to suffice. I have no other options. I will paste the smile on and I will be okay. just want to walk away from it all
I want to take the knife and just cut, cut, cut. I just want to pop the pills and become comfortably numb
