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just a moan i guess

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by vbuk, Jul 24, 2007.

  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni


    not moaned on here in a while. im on a rollercoaster. one min im up flying high and the next im rock bottom.

    my gran went into hospital last week to have an op on her knee. ive not visited on a ward since my grandad - and i lost him. it was hard. when we 1st went there were all these tubes in her hand and bruises - i know its normal - but things like that freak me out. just a wimp i guess. because im the only one that can drive - me n my mum r the only ones that go visit. i dont have a problem with it at all - shes my gran and i love her - but i am so tired - not sleeping well - just lay awake thinking about how tired i am! its horrible. my uncle cant go cos he cant afford the bus fare. he says it will cost him £4 a day - it costs me £8.50! mum said she will pay but its not down to her to pay - its my car and my responsibilty.

    my gran didnt tell n e one she had a chest infection. she has really bad ashma (never bin able to spell that one!) right now she cant do n e of the walking they want her to cos she cant breath (years of smoking 30 a day!) so she stays in longer.

    i just keep getting stressed. just purely cos im tired. i dont get a holiday til end of august - and then im going away on a busy holiday!

    this didnt really have a point to it but just wanted to write something.

    Love Clare x
  2. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i am so so tired - i cant cope - i stopped sleeping now and i dont know why - its a nightmare. im not getting home from work til half 9ish cos have to go to hospital. m gran gets out tomorrow but she isnt doing as she is told - if she carries on then she will be back in there - and it could be so bad.

    i feel so selfish - i go there and i yawn - i know that she will ask me to get her things when she gets home which i dont have a problem with - but at what point do i say 'im ill' . i cant do it - so i got to carry on - im not eating propery cos when i get home its to late to. i just cant carry on.

    shes my gran and ill do n e thing for her - i dont know what im achieving doing this - but im just so tired. this post doesnt even make sence n e more.

    grrr! im doing such a usless job - i dont talk much atm - barely speeking apart from at work and im so weak - went so dizy serving today - felt like such an idiot.

    im being so selfish yet again - just need to stop thinking of me and think of her - i just hate being the only one that can drive - and my uncle wont pay to go see her so it is always me and mum.

    i hate some of my family so much.

    grrr - got to keep going

    Sorry to moan

    Clare x
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :sad: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  4. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww clare just saw post
    so sorry im a bit on and off
    huggles to u and ur family
    wish i could do something
    my nephew gone to a camp site and has my phone
    be brave my love and here to support as much as i can
    im getting his ,nephews,phone tomorrow if shit of a dad will let me ,but i have a key,so either way i will get it and
    contact u
    u have been a special friend to me lately and hope now i can return it
    lean on us ur friends ok
    love and hugs to u
  5. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    thanks to all those who have helped me so much through this - it means so so much.

    my gran is now home but i dont think things will get easier - still have to go there - but at least nobody will really mind if i fall asleep! i get to sleep in on sunday thank goodness! it feels so ill and strange - im wide awake but my whole body is weak and worn out. had a hard day at work - we are short staffed and ive being acting assistant manager - quite fun - but we were so busy. my boss knows how tired i am and is so supportive - has even being giving me hugs and just pushung me along.

    i just dont know how long i can cope - im getting lost - losing what im doing. my mind is a mess. i just want to find a corner and - i dont know - sleep!

    i dont know where i am. getting lost again so ill shut up.

    im sorry ive been so selfish lately - im still here if anyone needs to talk

    Love Clare x