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Just a post of random thoughts.

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Mremptyinside

Well-Known Member
Other Topic:
Im seemingly not able to find that happyness im searching or longing for...
I ceep writing my thaught here, many of which i did not write here and i also should write some happy ones again but ... even tho i aced my exam, got a grate grade and am now only half a year away of getting the full official work degree, i just can't find that happyness you should feel after achieving something... and the worst is... i never do. Maby after drawing a picture i do... but other then that and my pictures. i never in rl feel as if i achieved anything. Maby because i don't have that community that claps you on the back telling you "nicly done" or whatever. but..... i feel..... i don't know... empty..................................... as if it just doesnt matter at all.... and it never stops..................................................................................................
 

Mremptyinside

Well-Known Member
even worse... nobody even knows any of this........ they just see the perfect, happy, achieving guy they are proud to have. if its familly or gf or friends. nobody looks bejond any of what my face tells them. nobody even tries to look behind the mask.
 

Mremptyinside

Well-Known Member
Well you've got us and we'll always be here to root you on and tell you that you've done well and pat you on the back when you've accomplished something.
thats nice of you and i thank you for that, but i guess you can tell that this is not really what i am in search of even if i write this all down, for well mostly me so i can at least tell someone how i really feel about everything after just having it beeing cept inside for so long...
 

Witty✯Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
SF Supporter
That "special day" you're not too hyped about, is it your birthday? I know that's tomorrow, and I don't like my birthday much either. It can remind me of bad things. I hope you have a good day anyway, no matter what you do.
 

Witty✯Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
SF Supporter
Do something fun anyway. You don't have to make the day a huge celebration if you don't want to, but you should do something that you enjoy. You have a nice weekend too *hugs*
 

Mremptyinside

Well-Known Member
drama... i hate drama... everytime its all about other ppls feelings and im in the midle of it. i fucking hate ppl..... they make everything so damn difficult. everytime im the idiot inbetween everything having to make descisions that will hurt one or the other. i just wanna be alone with everything then i can't hurt anyone anymore! and can do whatever shit i want to without any one whining about it.................
 

Witty✯Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
SF Supporter
I don't know what's happening exactly, but it sucks when you have to be in the middle of drama. You aren't hurting anyone, it sounds more like people are hurting you by making you feel badly.
 

Mremptyinside

Well-Known Member
"If you're constantly tired and sleep won't help, then it's not you'r body that is tired, but your soul."

i read this on instagramm and thought it fits my situation perfectly... work and my whole life seems to fall back into this emptyness and worthlessness... even tho i finaly found the one thing i have been looking for... i seem to fall back into longing more, or sometimes less, as for the fact that my work is just booring the hell out of me. i can't get it intresting or any cind of challanging, it bores me to death to do the 5 different massages every day in a pace of 1 to half an hour... its endless repetition only getting slightly less borring if the patient is willing to talk. tho having an intresting conversation is another part of what im missing... and talking about poo storys from 1964 is not really the cind of talk i have been looking for...

love life is working out grate. bute social life is just getting sooo damn annoying!
I am the type of guy who wants to have his time alone from time to time but its like after work 2-5 ppl are clinging to my legs wanting attention like little fucking kids.
even got fucking mad at one of them yesterday as he annoyed the shit out of me. i am getting so damn annoyed by everything as it just ceeps getting on my nervs...... and i am always the damn guy who has to get along with it because im to nice. fuck it.................

i sometimes long for the time where i was alone.... well desprit but alone, no problems or annoying others....
i miss so many things from my childhood. specially having to not care about anything for the most part just doing your thing. having time to do it and so on...

sometimes i even think beeing alone with just the money of beeing jobless would get me happy. but.... i won't do that.
on the other hand i would get happy travelling but that seems to never work out. :/

im so fucking stuck in this bullshit life, longing for the fucking end and death knocking on my door which seems to be invisible to him tho as i could listen for the knock forever... i wont open the door, he must. but longing for it won't stop. i want out of this damn bullshit..............................................................
 

Witty✯Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
SF Supporter
Lol "poo stories from 1964"....sorry but that made me laugh XD I'm so happy your love life is working out so well! You really deserve it :) Sorry to hear about the work and social life, I know that can be a pain. Ugh, people wanting your attention when you want time alone...that's the worst. Just tell them to fuck off if you need to, don't worry about being too blunt, you need to be on your own sometimes. You don't need to be too nice to spare others' feelings, you can be assertive without being mean. I hope you find what can make you happy and fill the emptiness...and remember that we're always here for you.
 

Abibug

Well-Known Member
I wish I could give you a hug. But since I can t I'll give you what I can. A virtual hug. Sometimes life sucks and I can totally say that not having alone time is the worst. My sister's are like the people who want your attention and I know how annoying it can get. Please stay safe Mark. I'm always here for you even if it's not much. plus,I'm so sorry for suddenly leaving in chat earlier. I was really looking forward to talking with you but if course lunch ended before we had much of a conversation. I hope the best for you ((((hug)))) see you soon :)
 

Mremptyinside

Well-Known Member
i just looooove getting up early, going to work and finding out that i dont habe a workplan, nobody knows what im doing here and no one has a clue what i should do now..... i just love this perfekt planing.......... ...
 
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