Just a post

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by No_Name, Mar 8, 2014.

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  1. No_Name

    No_Name New Member

    Strange, I had no reason to come here. I do not know who I am, nor what I have been doing.

    I intend to kill myself at some point as a gesture to my great escape. No -- I'm not stressed nor am I suffering from depression and anxiety. I'm not down on my luck and in-fact I'm doing well in life. Some of you might say I've lost it but that's not true. I'm not some nut job, neither am I sad, angry, lonely, or heart broken. Is it so wrong for someone to simply grow bored of living and wish to claim their own life?

    I can never risk telling family about my intent, they will surely have me locked away and I simply cannot allow that to happen. Some have suggested I go on medicine, that option is off the table. Then seeing a professional about it, been there and done that. They can't find anything wrong with me, except for -- surprise, surprise, me wanting to kill myself, that's money I'll never get back.

    It's not like I'm walking into this with clouded judgment or even recklessly. I still have one last debt to repay and funds to set aside for any expenses that I leave behind. I feel a sense of responsibility to make sure everything is handled and at least this way no on can say I was a crooked or dishonest man.

    As for those I leave behind at least minimal emotional damage will be done. I purposely cast most of my friends away and as for family, I don't have kids or a wife so that's less people I have to worry about. I still have mom, step-dad, two half-bros, and a grandmother who isn't well, who also happens to be not only my closest friend but a staunch ally. I can talk to her about anything but this subject.

    I figure time will help them cope with my passing. And I have been working on some sort of letter to leave closure. Problem is most people can't rationalize how someone can just get bored of living and commit suicide. Time and time again I try to make it clear that I am merely bored, I'm not in pain of any sort. There is nothing that can be done for me because there is nothing to be done.

    I'm not in dire straights like most who kill themselves and some just can't figure that out.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Why does everyone say that they will cope in time HELL NO WE DO NOT COPE OK we do nothing but suffer in silence and the sadness we feel does NOT go away so quit fooling yourself into thinking that as it is wrong. If yo are bored with living then do something to change that hell lots to do in this world and we all die in time so why rush it go out and do things skydiving do something that will bring excitement to your live do something that will have purpose to help others There is to rational or logic in ones decision to take their live
    OUr own bodies will fight right to the end to avoid dying i have seen it so many times that fight The sadness one feels after ones loved ones suicide is never ending so just thought you should know that being on the other side of it and also wanting to leave myself i know how it affects the ones left behind and i am stuck here because of it.
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Seems in your planning you overlooked the actual criteria for depression - the first of which is:

    Depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities.....

    Yes - I am sorry to say it sounds very much like typical everyday depression to me and the standard poor perception and judgement that often accompanies it as opposed to the rational and thought out you would like to believe. And if it is not actually a big deal then why "cannot possibly tell them your intent" ? That pretty much belies your actual thoughts on how damaging and just means you know and would rather let them have to wonder what they did that you felt you could not to talk to them and blame themselves more because of that.

    Basically this sounds no different than any other case of deep depression and fear of consequences of it than every other I see or have experienced. Simply, you incorrectly believe that depression must mean sad and crying all the time. Do you also believe that it is untreatable as well? Though lack of interest would naturally make one less inclined to try I was just wondering if you believe it is treatable in others or yourself or not at all?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2014
  4. Wereghost

    Wereghost Member

  5. No_Name

    No_Name New Member

    So to say being bored of living is akin to depression? So If I get bored with some other activity, that too is depression? Your statement is a double-edged sword.

    Again my main reason is purely out of boredom. But others guide themselves through what they believe is right and wrong and will more than likely pin some complex set of variables as to why someone chooses to do things. Much like the 5 psychiatrists I've spoke with, they couldn't grasp the concept. They said I should get a hobby, well what if I'm not interested in getting a new hobby? Their training is meant to prevent someone from committing suicide regardless of what the client wants. So now I'm the depressed one because I want to do something that most others fear? I'm the mentally unstable person because I wish to utilize my life the way I please? Am I not permitted to do with myself as I wish? Oh, but some might say I should think about how others feel, well what about how I feel? Yet another double-edged sword. It goes both ways.

    In the end it's my choice and my mind is set after I tie up some loose ends. Rather I'm right or wrong for doing so, I highly doubt neither of us have the authority to judge.

    Thank you for your input.
  6. No_Name

    No_Name New Member

    Each individual is different. Some take a death easier than others, yes we think about the departed but not all dwell on it. I just see death as a certainty it can and will happen. Yes I can feel sadness for a lost one but it will make no difference in how I feel. So some may carry that feeling to their death bed, maybe then they might find peace of mind there.
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