My birthday well i guess my bday is on friday.i dont want to do anything for it.im just gunna stay in and do what i do every night. well 19 what did i do when i was 19.let see i guess you could say i graduated uti but i was only 19 for 3 weeks so that really doesnt count.i helped my mom out when she had surgery.i should give my self credit for that but i only did what everybody should do for their parents.so.let me see what i did do above and beyond.uhh nothing.i sat at home did nothing.i never looked for a job and i could use the fact that i have no way to get to one as an excuse but i wont.oh wait i had a job at the base but my mom comes first in any situation so i went down to san diego to be with her for her surgery insteed of start my job. i never went out with friends.maybe cause i dont have any here.i never asked any girls out.i never even met any new people sence i moved up here.hmm i hung out with bree n meyer a bunch.thats probably the only good times i had.oh theres the 2 times i attempted suicide yeah and failed both times.just like my life so far ive failed. well if my 20th year is anything like my 19th its going to suck.so thats why im not going to celebrate a new year of life.hopefully i'l learn to get a job and live on my own.or maybe learn to tie rope a little better or not to chicken out.i guess on friday ill see who acknowledges me.see who remembers to say at least hi on my bday.but i wouldnt blame anyone if they didnt. so 20 here i come.lets hope i learn something this year.