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just a rant...ignore as you wish *lang*

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I'm just going to rant so feel free to not read it because ist going to be a load of rambling anyway..

Sooooooooo f*cking tired of just everything and its no ones fault. i know that. they didnt ask to have problems or be hurting but seriously i cannot take anymore. been worried sick all day about a few people, got in contact with one but you know what i cant do a thing to help her. i have no words. im just..overwhelmed. saw my sister today and i just want to bang my head against a brick wall. repeatedly. why the hell cant everyone just get along. or at least fucking talk to one another. why all this bitching to me. why me? why why why??? i cannot take it anymore. all the people i love just cant even love each other. and they cant even bloody communicate and tell it to each others faces. no they act all happy and whatever but it all comes back to this. for gods sake its not like they have to live together. and now she's put more worries in my head about my other sister. great. fanatastic. as if i needed more to worry about. part of me thinks shes being paranoid. but what if she's not. shit she's my closest friend i cannot lose her. not seen her for over 6 months and it is killing me. but no i cant afford to go there. and definitely wont be able to once i leave uni. oh great., leaving uni..yes what a brilliant plan. so why the hell am i still lying to everyone, making out im having a fantatsic bloody time when im miserable? why why why? how the hell am i going to tell them now? theyll be so disappointed..as if they werent already. great. how do i get all this sorted..leaving and sorting out somewhere to stay and all the time i have all this bloody work to do..work which means nothing..so why the hell am i still trying desperately to keep on top of it? other bloody things i did not need today..another "talk"..oo why dont you have a boyfriend..why arent the guys banging down the door or whatever it was...because quite frankly other than being completely ugly and a shit human being, it completely terrifies me and that is not what i need right now. is it really the be all and end all. yes im happy for you and im happy for our other sister but just leave me alone. need to cut sooo badly but for some stupid reason have decided not to. so what the hell am i supposed to do now. ive let so many people down. i fucking deserve it.

Now cant get in contact with her. so now im freaking out. which just ends the perfect day. i would just cry. if i could.:sad:
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