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Just a rant. Why do they only care when you reach suicidal?

Sam2018

Well-Known Member
#1
Why do people only care about the wellbeing of others if they're suicidal/ once they're gone? You say you're depressed and they say they're concerned, but then it gets old to them. Pretty soon after, they stop checking in. It's like they forget the conversation ever happened.

And I see this with celebrities. They do something that is deemed 'wrong' (not talking ilegal, can be trivial stuff,) they get piled on by the public. They apologise, but still get abuse. Hardly anyone (celebrity friends or media) stick up for them. They say they're struggling and get named an 'attention seeker'. They then kill themselves and people say 'that's so sad.' The media starts publishing stories about how nice the person was, and how tragic it is that they took their own life, even though they likely massively contributed to that. There are thousands/ millions of messages from the public about how 'nice' they seemed and about how they didn't deserve the abuse they received on the back of their bad deed. It's a shame they didn't receive this support while they were alive.

I myself am not suicidal. But that is only because my child would be devastated if I were no longer here and I couldn't do that to them. I tell my family (who I'm not particularly close to, to be fair) that I feel I'm depressed, and they don't speak about it. It's been 4 weeks and no one has called me (I have tried with them but they're often busy and 'forget' to call back.) But if I didn't have a child, I would be suicidal. And then they would be all 'no, don't do that, we're here for you!' - and that's just selfish. To not do anything if your loved one is living in constant emotional pain, but act when you think it might impact you (like if they die) is extremely selfish.

Sorry, I needed a rant. Super depressed recently. Really struggling. Hope whoever is reading this is OK.

Thanks.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
that is true in a lot of cases. you need to find support that cares. a friend or family member that truly cares. and you have us most people here do care because we are going through something similar. keep talking we are listening...mike...*hug*shake
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
Sadly I think people are often not able to see how desperate someone is until it is too late. People who don't suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts aren't able to relate and don't understand what it's like to be in that place. I guess friends and family assume since you aren't screaming about it anymore, possibly because you've been accused of attention seeking too many times, they also assume you're fine. They don't ask about it, because they think if there is a problem you will say something. That's not how it really works though, at least not for me. Often times I'm less likely to say something when I'm the worst because my brain has a lot of things to say.

That said there are people out here who do understand and care, it's just a matter of finding them.
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#5
honestly people don't even care at the point you reach suicidal in my experience. not until you die, really. why is it hard for people to care about the living yet not hard to care about the dead? or to pretend to care about the dead anyway? why is it so hard for people to genuinely care about each other these days?

sorry you're struggling. i'm struggling a bit too lately. wish i could contribute something more positive.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#6
honestly people don't even care at the point you reach suicidal in my experience. not until you die, really. why is it hard for people to care about the living yet not hard to care about the dead? or to pretend to care about the dead anyway? why is it so hard for people to genuinely care about each other these days?

sorry you're struggling. i'm struggling a bit too lately. wish i could contribute something more positive.
i'm sorry you are still struggling i hope things get better for you soon...mike...*hug*console*shake
 

Mymindsmine

Well-Known Member
#7
honestly people don't even care at the point you reach suicidal in my experience. not until you die, really. why is it hard for people to care about the living yet not hard to care about the dead? or to pretend to care about the dead anyway? why is it so hard for people to genuinely care about each other these days?

sorry you're struggling. i'm struggling a bit too lately. wish i could contribute something more positive.
Cause they then feel guilt when it’s reality . That’s the truth
 

Mymindsmine

Well-Known Member
#8
honestly people don't even care at the point you reach suicidal in my experience. not until you die, really. why is it hard for people to care about the living yet not hard to care about the dead? or to pretend to care about the dead anyway? why is it so hard for people to genuinely care about each other these days?

sorry you're struggling. i'm struggling a bit too lately. wish i could contribute something more positive.
But I believe people are coming to terms with our feelings and society is taking more control over it
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#10
that is very good advice @HappyKitty . i want people to like me but i depend on who and what i am. if a person likes me that's great and i'm happy. if they don't like me i feel like oh well everyone cant like me lol..mike....*hug*shake
 
#12
Why do people only care about the wellbeing of others if they're suicidal/ once they're gone? You say you're depressed and they say they're concerned, but then it gets old to them. Pretty soon after, they stop checking in. It's like they forget the conversation ever happened.

And I see this with celebrities. They do something that is deemed 'wrong' (not talking ilegal, can be trivial stuff,) they get piled on by the public. They apologise, but still get abuse. Hardly anyone (celebrity friends or media) stick up for them. They say they're struggling and get named an 'attention seeker'. They then kill themselves and people say 'that's so sad.' The media starts publishing stories about how nice the person was, and how tragic it is that they took their own life, even though they likely massively contributed to that. There are thousands/ millions of messages from the public about how 'nice' they seemed and about how they didn't deserve the abuse they received on the back of their bad deed. It's a shame they didn't receive this support while they were alive.

I myself am not suicidal. But that is only because my child would be devastated if I were no longer here and I couldn't do that to them. I tell my family (who I'm not particularly close to, to be fair) that I feel I'm depressed, and they don't speak about it. It's been 4 weeks and no one has called me (I have tried with them but they're often busy and 'forget' to call back.) But if I didn't have a child, I would be suicidal. And then they would be all 'no, don't do that, we're here for you!' - and that's just selfish. To not do anything if your loved one is living in constant emotional pain, but act when you think it might impact you (like if they die) is extremely selfish.

Sorry, I needed a rant. Super depressed recently. Really struggling. Hope whoever is reading this is OK.

Thanks.
Hi Sam,
From experience I know that people who are suicidal put up a great front. And when they do eventually go through with it people close to them are genuinely shocked. My close work colleague <mod edit - method> yet in company he was the life and soul of the party. Nobody suspected anything was wrong. A second person I knew through a friend just wandered off one day after stripping her bed, completed all her washing, and lined up her watch, jewelery and mobile phone on the coffee table. She was found 6months later laying in a remote wood. She obviously planned it but nobody had any idea she was clinically depressed and suicidal. The point I'm making is that in a lot of cases when someone cries out for help they dont want to die. They just want to off load. And human nature being what it is eventually those guys who empathised with them drift away. But I agree its not attention seeking. Its just that in the end nobody knows what to do. Im clinically depressed and have been on Citalopram for nearly 30yrs.It barely touches the worst of it but strangely enough a few beers ( Sometimes a lot more) a day does.
 
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Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#13
That's something I've noticed quite often as well. While alive people may be harangued, or ignored. Only after their demise does there seem to be an outpouring of grief, condolencies, soul searching. While some are no doubt genuine with good intentions, there will be instances of others acting this way so as to assuage their sense of self-guilt. I've seen cases where individuals may become reflective for a short period of time before resuming their occupation of being a self serving bastard to humanity.

Hope your rant helped to provide some form of release, @Sam2018 . Sorry you're going through a rough time at the moment, hope things begin to ease up for you soon.
 
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#15
I totally agree that you get nowhere until you reach crisis point. You are always told to ask for help, go and see your gp, but when you do there seems to be nothing they can do or are prepared to offer.
I fought really hard to get some help but it was only when I was at breaking point and stood there threatening to jump that they finally offered me some support. At least the support has come before I jumped and not after. I now have a mental health nurse who checks in on me to make sure I’m safe. She’s strange because she tells me I’m fine and I’ll be ok and. I sound really positive. I think she’s trying to boost me up because most of the time I don’t feel those things but at least she’s trying. I once said ‘what do I have to do to make somebody realise that I hurt?’ It took me to the edge of suicide before someone finally listened.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#16
Probably because modern people are basically walking around in survival-mode. Many are one job loss away from the street, it's impossible for many to find love, friends, etc. Concern for others is a luxury you can't afford if you're lonely and poor, unless you're a buddhist monk or something similar.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#19
i have a different opinion @Holding my breath going to a persons gp or pcp is a good first step. there are some incompetent doctors that are clueless i agree. but most doctors will refer you to a psychiatrist or therapist. and there are some doctors like mine that understand and work with me. he has dealt with my depression since i was disabled in 2003 and when i became suicidal due to anxiety he helped. and @Legate Lanius i have a difference of opnion with what you said as well. i do agree with you that a lot of people are in survival mode and a lot of people are one paycheck away from homelessness. but even when we are poor we can still help our fellow man. my wife and i have to scrimp sometimes to survive. the only thing we spend money on is our car, we hardly ever go out to eat or go to the movies and we never go drinking. if we did we wouldn't be able to afford the car. also my son helps. so to the point we are fairly poor but we do help financially some but not a lot and we help in ways like volunteering and i do what can here. so even though i struggle financially some and have my own mental health issues i can still help my fellow man. and a lot of people try. and it's sad to say that poor people usually give more of themselves than rich people with no mental health issues...mike...*hug*shake
 

Gonz

sick and tired of being sick and tired
#20
Concern for others is a luxury you can't afford if you're lonely and poor, unless you're a buddhist monk or something similar.
Nah. I've been poor my entire adult life, and lonely for big chunks of it, and I've always managed to. In fact, from what my life experience has shown me, poor folks give more of a shit about the people around them.
 

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