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JUST A RANT

SillyOldBear

SF grey-haired bear 🐻
Staff Alumni
#1
God, how I hate life. I wonder if parents really knew how miserable it could be if they would continue to have children. But when you are young you tend to think life is a pretty good deal so you create more. But as you get older, you realize how much life sucks. And when you reach the 'golden years', well they sure as hell ain't golden. It seems life is all about pain and suffering. I used to visit a 97 year old friend of mine. He said that as you get older all you have are memories. He died during the lock down. Could not visit him. No funeral. No goodbyes. How many of us are experiencing that these days.
I have brought most of my suffering on myself. Never cared about myself. Treated myself like shit. So my body is getting its revenge. So is my mind. I had planned on dying years ago. But it did not work out that way. And I have not been able to find the courage, or desperation to end it myself. Not yet anyway. So now my health sucks, I have little money and live alone. And you are not supposed to go near people these days. Hell, even my brother will not touch me. I barely got an elbow bump out of him. We are really expected to live this way! It's inhuman. I will say no more on this because I don't want to violate the rules.
And it seems that it is those who want to live who wind up dying. Is that fair? A friend from church lost a 20 year battle with cancer lately. She want to live! She was only 62. And those of us who want to die wind up continuing on with a life we hate and don't value at all. But I guess no one ever promised that life would be fair. I know that the people I envy most are those who have died. Especially those who have died quickly and with minimal pain. There aren't very many of those!
And with little money I continue to work well into retirement years. What do I do? I work at a finance company. One of my tasks is to prepare documents to sue people for not paying and place writs on their wages. Some people buy stuff without ever planning to pay for it. They deserve the suits. But think of all those who have lost their jobs recently. Another sign of the misery life brings.
Anyway, I will stop now. I know how difficult it can be to read long posts. Thank you for taking time to read this one.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#5
God, how I hate life. I wonder if parents really knew how miserable it could be if they would continue to have children. But when you are young you tend to think life is a pretty good deal so you create more. But as you get older, you realize how much life sucks. And when you reach the 'golden years', well they sure as hell ain't golden. It seems life is all about pain and suffering. I used to visit a 97 year old friend of mine. He said that as you get older all you have are memories. He died during the lock down. Could not visit him. No funeral. No goodbyes. How many of us are experiencing that these days.
I have brought most of my suffering on myself. Never cared about myself. Treated myself like shit. So my body is getting its revenge. So is my mind. I had planned on dying years ago. But it did not work out that way. And I have not been able to find the courage, or desperation to end it myself. Not yet anyway. So now my health sucks, I have little money and live alone. And you are not supposed to go near people these days. Hell, even my brother will not touch me. I barely got an elbow bump out of him. We are really expected to live this way! It's inhuman. I will say no more on this because I don't want to violate the rules.
And it seems that it is those who want to live who wind up dying. Is that fair? A friend from church lost a 20 year battle with cancer lately. She want to live! She was only 62. And those of us who want to die wind up continuing on with a life we hate and don't value at all. But I guess no one ever promised that life would be fair. I know that the people I envy most are those who have died. Especially those who have died quickly and with minimal pain. There aren't very many of those!
And with little money I continue to work well into retirement years. What do I do? I work at a finance company. One of my tasks is to prepare documents to sue people for not paying and place writs on their wages. Some people buy stuff without ever planning to pay for it. They deserve the suits. But think of all those who have lost their jobs recently. Another sign of the misery life brings.
Anyway, I will stop now. I know how difficult it can be to read long posts. Thank you for taking time to read this one.
Hi. I remember you talking about your friend that passed, Ernie? I think about the people who are sick with cancer and fighting and honestly know I wouldn't care if I got it. Or how people worry about hiking in areas where bear roam..who cares. There is more hope for young people and then if you are fortunate enough to have an intact family you can enjoy a life of well...not loneliness. I spend days in bed and think, this isnt what life should be like. I recently went on vacation with someone that isn't a right fit for me and was pretty miserable. I'm not sure where I'm going with this @SillyOldBear. I hear you is all. Hug from here to Texas.
 

Lux

local yahoo
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#6
@Lux. I just don't know how much more I can stand. Work is changing tons of software and you have to learn it via damn Zoom meetings. Presidential elections choices totally suck! Which an asteroid would really hit us. A 6000 mile one. World deserves to end.
Ugh Zoom meetings are the worst. I feel your pain with that one. I always just find myself either assessing every part of my face and hating it instead of listening, or checking out my eyebrows, or someone else's eyebrows. Or arguing with them and claiming that my camera is definitely broken so I won't be on mic today.

I would take an asteroid right about now too tbh. You have my vote.
 

SillyOldBear

SF grey-haired bear 🐻
Staff Alumni
#7
@Lane. thank you for your response and remembering Ernie. His memories were really all he had at the end. I guess that will be true for all of us. I suspect, though, that if you got cancer, you would regret it. It is a horrible way to die. But then there are not many good ways. I wonder about SF member Sadcat. He has not been around for a while and has been fighting cancer for years. I wonder if he lost the battle. Speaking of hikes. Some of the wilderness areas around here are getting so crowded that they are being shut down completely. What do they expect. You can't go to a movie, a concert, bowling, church and people need somewhere to go. But they just keep shutting places down. I usually go on vacations alone. No hassles that way. But you can't really go anywhere these days. I may attempt a day trip over Labor Day weekend. To the Washington Coast. Will see what happens. I am not sure I agree with you about the young. I think they may inherit a very cruel world. I also spend hours and hours in bed. Nothing else to do. Not much of a life. Sending hugs back to you.
 

Lux

local yahoo
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#9
@Lux I heard that some lady in a Zoom meeting forget the camera was on or something and stripped to take shower. *hysterical We don't use cameras at ours. Just voice. But Zoom crashed internationally today. Maybe they will never get it fixed. *stars
oh my god hahaha, that sounds hilarious. my favourite work from home video call video is this one - everything is perfect - the way the kids walk in, his wife running in, the dragging. cracks me up

 
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Lane

SF Supporter
#11
God, how I hate life. I wonder if parents really knew how miserable it could be if they would continue to have children. But when you are young you tend to think life is a pretty good deal so you create more. But as you get older, you realize how much life sucks. And when you reach the 'golden years', well they sure as hell ain't golden. It seems life is all about pain and suffering. I used to visit a 97 year old friend of mine. He said that as you get older all you have are memories. He died during the lock down. Could not visit him. No funeral. No goodbyes. How many of us are experiencing that these days.
I have brought most of my suffering on myself. Never cared about myself. Treated myself like shit. So my body is getting its revenge. So is my mind. I had planned on dying years ago. But it did not work out that way. And I have not been able to find the courage, or desperation to end it myself. Not yet anyway. So now my health sucks, I have little money and live alone. And you are not supposed to go near people these days. Hell, even my brother will not touch me. I barely got an elbow bump out of him. We are really expected to live this way! It's inhuman. I will say no more on this because I don't want to violate the rules.
And it seems that it is those who want to live who wind up dying. Is that fair? A friend from church lost a 20 year battle with cancer lately. She want to live! She was only 62. And those of us who want to die wind up continuing on with a life we hate and don't value at all. But I guess no one ever promised that life would be fair. I know that the people I envy most are those who have died. Especially those who have died quickly and with minimal pain. There aren't very many of those!
And with little money I continue to work well into retirement years. What do I do? I work at a finance company. One of my tasks is to prepare documents to sue people for not paying and place writs on their wages. Some people buy stuff without ever planning to pay for it. They deserve the suits. But think of all those who have lost their jobs recently. Another sign of the misery life brings.
Anyway, I will stop now. I know how difficult it can be to read long posts. Thank you for taking time to read this one.
We decided to stop my mothers treatments for blood because we didn't want her to die alone in a facility. We knew that bcz of covid we wouldn't be able to see her and she'd be confused with her dementia. It's all too much, but I like your idea about a get away for labor day. The parks are quite crowded. I heard that money was slotted to the national parks so that's some good news.
 

SillyOldBear

SF grey-haired bear 🐻
Staff Alumni
#12
@Lane. I did not know your mother was will. It is much better to die with loved ones around you. I like what you did. Treatment often only postpones a miserable life. Did she pass away? Am so sorry either way. Yeah, thought I would head to a town on the coast. Don't think they will shut down a whole town.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#13
@Lane. I did not know your mother was will. It is much better to die with loved ones around you. I like what you did. Treatment often only postpones a miserable life. Did she pass away? Am so sorry either way. Yeah, thought I would head to a town on the coast. Don't think they will shut down a whole town.
Yes, we wanted to end her treatment sooner but because she knew her name and birthday they wouldn't. They didn't witness her trying to leave the house at night and doing other kooky things. She passed with me and my niece there. My sisters abandoned her basically. She was a good woman that didn't want to hurt anyone.

Well, I hope you get to your town and treat yourself to a nice meal. Keep us posted.
 

Shannew

Well-Known Member
#15
Hi Beary, I hope you don't mind me adding to you rant because recently I've been having the exact same feelings...

Life is honestly just misery and suffering. When you're born you go to school get bullied, get stressed about what you want to do in life have no real guidance, you get a bf/gf they usually use you, cheat on you treat you like shit. You grow up have money problems, family problems, insecurities (if you're lucky), health problems start, abuse problems, more bullying (if you're unlucky which is more common these days). Most days you feel like breaking down and crying and the other days you're numb and force yourself through work and life. Then comes chronic disease when you're older, being lonely because society doesn't value connections any more. It's so freaking tiring to even think about let alone go through and this is for an educated, mentally-healthy, middle-class person, I can't imagine how others even manage.

I feel like I have (or have the ability to get) anything in life and I still want to die most days. Sometimes I think I don't want to bring kids into the world because they will inevitably suffer in more ways than one...
 

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#16
God, how I hate life. I wonder if parents really knew how miserable it could be if they would continue to have children. But when you are young you tend to think life is a pretty good deal so you create more. But as you get older, you realize how much life sucks. And when you reach the 'golden years', well they sure as hell ain't golden. It seems life is all about pain and suffering. I used to visit a 97 year old friend of mine. He said that as you get older all you have are memories. He died during the lock down. Could not visit him. No funeral. No goodbyes. How many of us are experiencing that these days.
I have brought most of my suffering on myself. Never cared about myself. Treated myself like shit. So my body is getting its revenge. So is my mind. I had planned on dying years ago. But it did not work out that way. And I have not been able to find the courage, or desperation to end it myself. Not yet anyway. So now my health sucks, I have little money and live alone. And you are not supposed to go near people these days. Hell, even my brother will not touch me. I barely got an elbow bump out of him. We are really expected to live this way! It's inhuman. I will say no more on this because I don't want to violate the rules.
And it seems that it is those who want to live who wind up dying. Is that fair? A friend from church lost a 20 year battle with cancer lately. She want to live! She was only 62. And those of us who want to die wind up continuing on with a life we hate and don't value at all. But I guess no one ever promised that life would be fair. I know that the people I envy most are those who have died. Especially those who have died quickly and with minimal pain. There aren't very many of those!
And with little money I continue to work well into retirement years. What do I do? I work at a finance company. One of my tasks is to prepare documents to sue people for not paying and place writs on their wages. Some people buy stuff without ever planning to pay for it. They deserve the suits. But think of all those who have lost their jobs recently. Another sign of the misery life brings.
Anyway, I will stop now. I know how difficult it can be to read long posts. Thank you for taking time to read this one.
I think you are very brave. It is so hard now - not that being an older single woman was a walk in the park before but now it is terrible. It has to get better, this can't go on forever.
 

LonelyHiker

Waitering for Godot
#19
@SillyOldBear

No need to apologize for a more-than-justified rant. Remember, I created The Benevolent Misanthrope thread, so I am right there with you. The world is going down the shitter, and there's little (if anything) people like you and me can do about it. All we can do is try to be kind to each other and be as good a steward as we can to whatever corner of the globe we occupy

I stick around for my son, not much else. Hindsight is indeed 20/20, and if I had given it more thought, I never would have brought him onto this madhouse we call a planet. I dread the shit world he is going to inherit. Hopefully, things will turn around, but the cynic in me doesn't see it happening..

Anyway, just wanted to commiserate and let you know that you aren't alone in your assessment of things.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#20
i'm sorry @SillyOldBear i just saw this thread. i think the only basic difference between us is i'm married. we both suffer pain/illness money being tight and a whole bunch of other unbearable stuff. and you know hard as i try sometimes it gets to me and i want to give up.

but yes i was bullied in school and have had some serious financial issues. but i also had a good life and with all the mistakes i made up until now i have no regrets. and my kids are doing very well and not suffering. the world is a shithole i agree but there is some good left in the world.

i'm so sorry that you have to suffer pain and illness it comes with age i guess. but our pain doesn't define us. i know it's hard and won't work all of the time but you have to try to look at the good things in life few as they may be. and i know it's hard to meet people right now but you aren't too old to meet a person.

the thing you need to do is keep fightng and don't give up, you are stronger than you think. you also have a lot of friends here that care about you. i do understand wanting to give up because i do sometimes because the pain is just too much. when that happens come here and let us help you like you help me...mike....*hug*console*shake
 

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