just a rant

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by becky82, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. becky82

    becky82 Well-Known Member

    I've not really been around the last couple of weeks due to various reasons but I really just need to vent somewhere right now.

    Parents came down for a few days. They succeded in really upsetting me I dont know how they manage it. Whenever I see them I just get reminded of all the shit I was put through as I child. Even now they seem to have a way of bringing up any negative possible. They never ask me how i am or what Im up to. they only time they ever talk about me is to bring me down and belittle me. i shouldn't let this stuff upset me I know but somehow it still does. I'm good enough at beating myself up and don't exactly think much of myself without them adding to that.

    Anyway then saw my ex last week. I stood upto him which I would never usually do.Told him that I'd had enough of him coming round, the phonecalls. That if he thought I was sad, pathetic, pretty much just about anything negative he could think of then why was he still wanting me, why was he still coming back after me. Told him to get out of my life and if he ever tried to contact me again then I'd get the police involoved and restraining order put on him. He did not like that, he went mad at me. Don't think ive ever been hit/kicked/punched so much. ended up in hospital for a few days. I was lucky that the only really bad damage was a broken rib and a fairly nasty cut to my head. Everything else was superficial bruising and cuts. The doctor said I was lucky that someone interviened when they did. I can't remember a lot between him starting on me and getting to the hospital. It all got reported to the police and he was arrested. There charging him for what he did which is a good thing.

    It seems stupid really, there are actually people that know whats happening, I've got the support of people at work, the police, vicitm support, and yet I feel so compleletly alone. Noone can really understand how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. They don't understand the fact that my ex isn't the only problem that I've had. They seem to think that I should be happier that I should be able to move on and yet I can't. I know in some ways i've reached a turning point in the fact that I'm making full use of the resources offered to me and getting the help that I can. It doesnt mean that its easy though. It doesnt mean that I'm nolonger scared or confused. It doesnt mean that I don't still lie awake at night thinking someones in my room, scared to go to sleep because of the nightmares. If i could talk about the other stuff then it would help but I can't. Everyone seems so focused on what my ex has done to me they wont even listen to anything else. The thing is it has upset me a lot what my ex has done but I've got other things that are actually getting to me more and hurting me more. I cant talk about the abuse I suffered as a child and I can't really talk about everything that my parents put me through. I know I should be glad for the help i have got and focus on that for now but that isn't easy to do got too much going around my head. wish I had someone here with me now and I could have a hug and cry and tell them everything.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I understand exactly becky. i have faced many of the same things but am/was not brave enough to turn him in. I applaud your courage for that step. As for the things that happened to you as a child, the longer you keep it bottled up inside og you the more it festers and harder it becomes to heal from. Are you receiving any kind of counseling or therapy for what has gone on? Sometimes it can be easier to share it with a total stranger than someone you know. I am willing to listen to whatever you may feel comfortable sharing. If not, I understand. Feel free to PM me if you would like. Take care hun. i am glad you are at least getting help dealing with your ex. Next you need the confidence to tackle the rest. :hug: