Hello everyone. I have recently been involved in a big time cock-up. And I have not had anyone to talk to. So, here goes. My parents have never ever mentioned a thing about sex or masturbation or any of that stuff to me... ever. Maybe the odd innuendo in passing but no real support. It has sometimes generated a lot of hate from me to them, but it's ok. My story begins in 7th Grade (last year). I had had a crush on a girl in my years since Primary (Elementary) school. It was my first true love. I had spent the entirety of that year getting closer to her, chatting, laughing, some good memories. However, this all ended during a geography assignment. I was paired up with her and a few other people. However, one of those people (a friend of mine) was quite.... immature. In that one lesson, all of my hard work was crushed. He kept trying to come on to me (he was the horny pre-masturbation type) and it was really pissing me off, but I tried to laugh it off. She must've thought that I was joining in, mucking around too. Now let me say that I was, and still am, quite shy. Her perception of me changed from the cute, silent and witty type to the compete jerk. All because of Him.That night, I went home and cried and cried. I had no-one to talk to since I had never notified anyone of my crush on her. But I pulled myself together. During the summer of that year, my friend (the one from the Lesson) started Dating. Word spreads fast of a jerk and it took a while before I re-gained my confidence around other girls. It felt unfair since it was I who could've been dating my long-time crush, not him. They broke up after 4 weeks. Soon after this, my first sensual encounter with a female happened. I held hands with my crush (more as a game of nerves actually ;p). After summer, I felt depressed. But I had a plan. I hoaxed that I was going out with a girl who had previously gone to my Primary school. People believed me, appreciated me. Looked up to me. I knew that I was abusing my friends trust, but while the lie lasted, I was happy. Until... It was during our summer fare this year (2008). The girl who I had pretended I was going out with was there. She obviously denied going out with me and one of my friends severed contact with me (a good friend since i had been 5). I was distraught, but my other friends accepted my apology and we got on fine. But I still feel jealous and angry at that one Boy who had stolen my one chance of true love with a girl. However, there is a twist. The boy, who I will call Josh, and I had, In year 7, a sexual encounter. He mutually masturbated me to orgasm, in a Maths class. We are not gay, since it was purely experimentation, but I have never been able to tell ANYONE of this. And it hurts to hide the truth from all of my friends. Nowdays, my friends regard me as a witty , popular kid who enjoys to make films. However, I have always wanted that chance at true love back, then none of my lies, guilt or having a friend leave me would've happend. What do you all think I should do now? Thanks for reading, please help.