Just a thing I wanted to get off my chest. (Please comment)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DudeWithStufftoSay, Jul 25, 2008.

  1. Hello everyone. I have recently been involved in a big time cock-up. And I have not had anyone to talk to. So, here goes.

    My parents have never ever mentioned a thing about sex or masturbation or any of that stuff to me... ever. Maybe the odd innuendo in passing but no real support. It has sometimes generated a lot of hate from me to them, but it's ok.

    My story begins in 7th Grade (last year). I had had a crush on a girl in my years since Primary (Elementary) school. It was my first true love. I had spent the entirety of that year getting closer to her, chatting, laughing, some good memories. However, this all ended during a geography assignment. I was paired up with her and a few other people. However, one of those people (a friend of mine) was quite.... immature.

    In that one lesson, all of my hard work was crushed. He kept trying to come on to me (he was the horny pre-masturbation type) and it was really pissing me off, but I tried to laugh it off. She must've thought that I was joining in, mucking around too. Now let me say that I was, and still am, quite shy. Her perception of me changed from the cute, silent and witty type to the compete jerk. All because of Him.That night, I went home and cried and cried. I had no-one to talk to since I had never notified anyone of my crush on her. But I pulled myself together.

    During the summer of that year, my friend (the one from the Lesson) started Dating. Word spreads fast of a jerk and it took a while before I re-gained my confidence around other girls. It felt unfair since it was I who could've been dating my long-time crush, not him. They broke up after 4 weeks. Soon after this, my first sensual encounter with a female happened. I held hands with my crush (more as a game of nerves actually ;p).
    After summer, I felt depressed. But I had a plan. I hoaxed that I was going out with a girl who had previously gone to my Primary school. People believed me, appreciated me. Looked up to me. I knew that I was abusing my friends trust, but while the lie lasted, I was happy. Until...

    It was during our summer fare this year (2008). The girl who I had pretended I was going out with was there. She obviously denied going out with me and one of my friends severed contact with me (a good friend since i had been 5). I was distraught, but my other friends accepted my apology and we got on fine. But I still feel jealous and angry at that one Boy who had stolen my one chance of true love with a girl. However, there is a twist.
    The boy, who I will call Josh, and I had, In year 7, a sexual encounter. He mutually masturbated me to orgasm, in a Maths class. We are not gay, since it was purely experimentation, but I have never been able to tell ANYONE of this. And it hurts to hide the truth from all of my friends.
    Nowdays, my friends regard me as a witty , popular kid who enjoys to make films. However, I have always wanted that chance at true love back, then none of my lies, guilt or having a friend leave me would've happend. What do you all think I should do now?

    Thanks for reading, please help.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think we all do things to 'make up' for what we perceive as our shortcomings and sometimes feel guilty and ashamed that we do them....yes, it is more evolved to face these traits straight on , but we have to recognize that we cannot face all things...my suggestion is to move on and find love for both yourself and others...true love, so to say, is one which incorporates our imperfections....in order words, find someone who loves you, warts and all...so glad you were able to express something you thought was a secret...it is really liberating to allow those events to see the light...big hugs, J
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2008
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hm. I am confused to what you are asking advice on. Do you still have feelings for that same girl?
    Do you have feelings for another girl?

    I would say don't let the past hold you back. Who you've been is not who you are.
  4. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Whose reality do you live in, dude? Yours or theirs? If you live in your own reality, who gives a f*ck what they think? I'm a quiet kid all the time. I'm not shy, because I talk all the time with my friends. That's just how I am. I have no reason to talk to anyone else or to laugh out loud at every single comment made, humorous or not. That's how I am, and if you did things that might seem "bad" to other people, who the f*ck cares? You know?

    A comment on your homosexual experience at age 7. You say that he mutually masturbated you to orgasm. You're embarassed about it, from what I can see, because you probably think that everyone else thinks that homosexuality is wrong. Goes back to the reality thing, but no, it's not. If you did have a hint of homosexuality, homosexuality is a gene that no one can stop. 1 in 10 people in America are homosexual. It's likely that over 20 other people in your schools haven't even come out of the closet yet.

    Reply to this.
  5. Susan_G

    Susan_G Well-Known Member

    Hey Dude,

    You shouldn't feel guilty about these things. Whie not everyone experiments with oposite sex most people do. You may feel the need to confide in someone. Just remeber
    that not everything needs to be disclosed.
    If you havn't already done so, apologize to the girl you preteded to date. Then move on.
    At your age it's easy to meet friends. You will have a few romances before true love does come along. Some of them you'll forget and others will be in your heart forever.
  6. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    So... what is the problem exactly? You didn't get to date one girl that you liked, and you lost one friend, but you still have friends, you will meet new friends as time goes on, and you will have many more 'loves' before you leave high school. Sure it's a let down to lose a girl, but as far as I can tell you don't have anything to worry about right now.
  7. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    There is nothing wrong with masterbation and sexual experimentation as long as both of you are consenting to it. Although intimate acts shouldn't be a taboo subject, please know that it is a private matter. Telling all of your friends that a friend jacked you off isn't really respectful of them or the friend you shared an encounter with. Its nothing to feel ashamed or embarassed about, so don't feel like you have to tell your friends because you feel guilty about not sharing it with them. If you really want to talk about it, talk about it with your very best friend; someone you can trust not to hurt you.