Just a vent

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Malcontent, Feb 1, 2009.

  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I can't keep trying to be ok. I've been doing really well recently but I just want to give up. I keep trying to convince myself that everything will be ok if I just try hard enough (ie not give in to depression, be sociable, work towards getting a job again eventually) but it all seems like a load of bullshit. Whatever it is in my head that always tries to drag me down never shuts up. I think I'm nothing, worth nothing and will never do anything worthwhile. I don't think I have a good impact on anyone's life, I'm just an idiot who might as well be dead for all the good I do. Sometimes it feels like there's point to life, but right now it doesn't. What's the point in living if you can never change anything for the better? I'm sick of the lies that people with any kind of power always tell, they're such obvious lies as well. Nobody believes the lies except the people actually telling them, but people get scared when they're not being lied to. How the hell are you supposed to deal with something so twisted? So much of life is bullshit and the good is so well hidden, what if I spend my life searching for it only to find out it never existed in the first place? But is it a stupid self-indulgent waste to give up now?
     
  2. RedBall

    RedBall Member

    I understand a little bit how you feel as I’m in a similar situation. I sometimes think that trying hard to be strong and “not give in to depression” is a problem all of its own as it makes us deny our real feelings and prevents us from moving on.

    It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Most of what you said could have been something that I wrote and I’m sure there are other people here that are going through similar things.

    Take care of yourself.
     
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I love your avatar where did you get it from btw, I think I've seen it before?

    Yeah I get ya about the lies and I love how you put it. People just like to whitewash and cover up really harsh questions because it's much easier and makes everyone look incredibily wise and not a fool? :dunno: Everyone "wins" with that kind of blind game. :dry: What you wrote reminds me of the Emperor's New Clothes.

    The feelings of being worthless, they obviously come from somewhere. I used to feel so much like you, don't worry, but it took time with a therapist to realise where those feelings came from rather than being perplexed as to why I hated myself so much and why I had such self hate within me. And stop beating myself up that "I had all the answers" when it's so obvious a lot of the answers of that self hate lay with other people and their lies and as you say 'bullshit'.

    Don't give up you're just searching for something inside and outside of yourself...once you find it inside, maybe you'll attract people who actually are genuine and make you feel good.