I can't keep trying to be ok. I've been doing really well recently but I just want to give up. I keep trying to convince myself that everything will be ok if I just try hard enough (ie not give in to depression, be sociable, work towards getting a job again eventually) but it all seems like a load of bullshit. Whatever it is in my head that always tries to drag me down never shuts up. I think I'm nothing, worth nothing and will never do anything worthwhile. I don't think I have a good impact on anyone's life, I'm just an idiot who might as well be dead for all the good I do. Sometimes it feels like there's point to life, but right now it doesn't. What's the point in living if you can never change anything for the better? I'm sick of the lies that people with any kind of power always tell, they're such obvious lies as well. Nobody believes the lies except the people actually telling them, but people get scared when they're not being lied to. How the hell are you supposed to deal with something so twisted? So much of life is bullshit and the good is so well hidden, what if I spend my life searching for it only to find out it never existed in the first place? But is it a stupid self-indulgent waste to give up now?