Just about what I've been through...trigger.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by BeautifulDisaster., Mar 9, 2010.

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  1. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    Quite a lot of emotional, mental, verbal & physical abuse & neglect has gone on in my life, from the majority of my family members, for as long as I can remember.


    My biological father used me as a weapon, manipulated me, abused me, neglected me, & he came in & out of my life as he pleased.
    I have overdosed multiple times & injured myself multiple times because of him.
    I've wanted to kill myself because of him.
    I haven't seen him since 06.
    I took a huge step & I told him I want nothing to do with him & for him to stay out of my life.
    He is not a father to me, in the slightest, & I'm glad I stood up to him, considering I'm very scared of him.
    He can take his mind games & his abuse & neglect away from me.
    I'm done with it, & I'm done with him.
    The memories are still distressing, however, & the damage has affected me, & my life quite severely.


    My mother is an alcoholic, & I do not know her without alcohol.
    She neglects me, & in the past, has physically abused me, that has stopped now, & she on & off abuses me.

    She favorites my elder sister, who is 19, & this isn't coming from jealousy, she truly does & it makes me extremely upset & feel very left out, and worthless, unwanted, unloved, etc.

    I'm also the black sheep of the family, & the scapegoat.

    Occasionally, there are days where she can be okay... but it doesn't last long.

    The memories of what she has done to me, & continues to do to me, stick with me & they are, as all of my bad memories are, distressful.


    Now, onto my sister.
    She, in my opinion, fits the profile of a narcissistic, she has been absolutely vile to me, & she has physically abused me, as well as emotionally, verbally, & mentally.

    She has purposely left razors & pills out & she has told me she wishes I would kill myself & die & she says I'm nothing to her& I'm an attention seeker & I'm a psycho & she hates me & I ruin everything & I'm fucked up & I belong in a psych ward & I'm not her sister & she uses the "death wish" on me, I could go on & on.

    I do not consider her a sister to me.

    I try to avoid as much drama with her as possible.

    To be frank, I'm quite scared of her, she has threatened to kill me & to keep on eye open at night.

    She's extremely aggressive & very melodramatic, she has physically hurt me before, & her boyfriend, & others too.

    She lives with my mother & me still, I'm hoping she will move out sooner, rather than later, as she is 19 & she keeps saying that she'll move out, but I think she just loves the control she has around us all & the fear of her & how she practically rules this house.

    I don't think she has a heart, at all.

    She is also very cruel & abusive to her boyfriend, and my mother at times too, which makes me wonder why she favorites her.

    She is now pregnant.
    I'm very concerned and worried for this child to be born into such a family.
    To grow up with a narcissistic as a parent is hell, I'd know.


    Other family members such as cousins, aunts & an uncle have also been involved in taking the pleasure of abusing & bullying me,&using me as the scapegoat.


    I have been sexually abused & molested by my step brother & cousin at a younger age.


    Since I was quite young, around 10 or so, I've also had multiple incidents with many guys molesting & sexually harassing me, up until last year, when I left school, so it can't really happen anymore.
    (As I go out very rarely and for short periods of time when I do.)


    I have been severely bullied throughout a lot of my school life, this still affects me to this very day.

    I dropped out of school in year 7 very much because of this, and returned in late year 9 to a special educational needs school.

    I was also bullied throughout my time in this school.


    All this abuse, neglect, sexual abuse/harassment/molest, bullying, abandonment, have caused so much distress & chaos in my life.

    Some memories are vivid & distressing, & some are blurred, fragmented, & some, barely a memory at all of what exactly happened, sort of blocked out with the pieces of the puzzle muddled up, & I can't make complete sense of it... it distresses me so much& I don't know what to do, or how to cope with them.
     
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