I know here I'm probably not unique in this regard here, having no one in your life and always being rejected throughout life. Pretty severe. It feels like torture. I tried the online therapies, 3 different platforms. I just feel like unless they have experienced it themselves, how can they understand or help? I don't feel understood or I feel too weird for even them. And these online platforms, they send brief text back and maybe a worksheet, and forget to schedule another session or want to do it every 2 weeks even though you paid for more. Anyway, it's been a bust and makes me even sadder. I reach out which is a big deal to me, and I feel like a joke. I'm going to lose or quit my job since I can't even bring myself to share a "life is good" event in front of 150+ people on camera. Didn't help the hostess sort of chuckled at me the first and only time I participated. So now I just cry and skip it. I can't stop crying. I don't get why an abnormal unwanted undesirable freak joke creature should continue on. What good am I?