just another day

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by welcome_home, Feb 22, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. welcome_home

    welcome_home Member

    the title doesn't mean that i'm gonna kil myself in a couple of days, i haven't resorted to those feeling just yet. it more or less about how lately everyday seems like just another day in a pointless existence. for the past couple days i've been thinking about what i've done in my life and what i might do in the future as in the type of job i'll have, how i'll support myself. and i've been beggining to realize that i'm happy with what i've done up to this point in my life. you would think that it's a good thing but then i look at what i could do to keep myself happy in the long run and i can't think of anything. i've been thinking why do we work so hard to get to where we are? and what do we do when we finally get there? and i've realized we work so hard to live. we spend most of our lives working and saving up for what, not to die? which makes me realize that life is pointless. i'm a senior in high school and i might not pass this year, which will make my parents angry at me and me depressed even more for for letting them down. my older brother was an honor student in high school, he had a lot of friends, and was practically given everything by my parents. and here's me, who if i pass a class it's with a D, i don't think i have any true friends, and i have to work my ass off to get whatever i want. i just don't want to do it anymore. i'm tired of working so hard that when i complete the task i still feel empty inside. i don't want to be a burden anymore. i'm tired of letting the people i care about down. you can call me a dreamer but i just want to say the words "The world would be better without me" and have some type of angel come and prove me wrong. and because of that i have an epiphany and live a happy life from then on. but i know that'll never happen. i'm just tired of everything. i want to die but i don't want to do it because the only ways i can think of that i can do will cause me more pain. and because i'm christian, i believe i'll go to hell if i take my own life. so i've been hoping, almost praying that i die in some freak accident. like when i'm walking to or from school a car jumps the curve and rams me into a house. that'll work. i'm just simply tired. :blue:
     
  2. albickers

    albickers Member

    I know how you feel - I felt the same way in high school. Maybe school just isn't for you? It isn't for everyone you know, and, honestly, the grades you make in high school don't matter very much (unless you plan to go to college).

    There are so many other opportunities that have nothing to do with school. I was really depressed in high school, but found a wonderful life after I left home (after some difficult adjustment, of course). The world is big - there is something out there for you.

    I know it is hard to imagine, but it is possible to get to a point in life where you don't really care what other people think (parents, etc), and where you don't live your life to gain their approval - once you are there, alot of the stress dissipates. Even better, it is also possible to find someone who will love and care about you regardless of how well you perform in life - that person is out there waiting to be found.

    I think you made a very big step - you realized that the life we are supposed to want (work hard, retire, die) is a sham. I wish I had been so insightful at your age - I wouldn't have wasted so much time on things that don't matter. It won't be long until that insight liberates you instead of burdening you. You must be pretty smart to have already seen the world so clearly; to have realized that true happiness cannot be found in the American dream.
     
  3. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    You're having a tough time. If it's any consolation, we all go through it at some stage in life. Keep the faith, and you'll come out the other side much much stronger. I would second everything written by albickers. All the best.
     
  4. welcome_home

    welcome_home Member

    this is just an update to how i've been feeling. i've been feeling better. me and one of my friends decided that after this school year, pass or fail, i'm gonna move out and we're gonna get an apartment together. i'm not moving out for the reasons most people move out right after high school. i love my parents and i'm thankful for everything that they've done for me. i just feel that i'ts time for me to be out on my own now. make me feel i have a purpose in life. another way i started dealing with my feelings, some may disagree though but i started smoking recently. not pot, just cigarettes. it calms my nerves and once i think i reached a point where i don't need them, i'm done. simple as that. that is all.
     
  5. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    welcome_home,

    glad to hear your doing a bit better, and thats sounds great getting an apartment with your friend.....but, take it from a smoker, dont start, if you can stop now, do it, its the hardest habit to kick, worse thn anything, and your helth will only be at risk....sorry....I know Im a hyprocrite cause I smoke, but really, wish I never did.....
     
  6. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    welcome_home, im sorry you are passing thru a rough time. dont compare yourself with your brother. we are all different. please dont give up, school just might not make you happy, there are many other opportunities in life. Thinking about u,
    Beret
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.