I can't stop smoking weed. It's a real problem, every day I feel so delirious and strained but my head just won't work anymore. I'm so scared this is permanent with all the other drugs I've been doing, but this is so much more unbearable. I don't even feel like a person anymore, the only time I don't feel overwhelmed by the urge to kill myself is when I'm already high. Every day I've been trying to fix anything, and nothing changes for the better. I just keep feeling more and more out of focus and scared. I don't think I can handle being sober anymore, nor do I really think I had much of a choice in that decision anyways. I feel so pathetic and weak, and every time I focus on something that makes me feel worse I feel so overwhelmed with the urge to die. The only feeling stronger than my urge to die, is my urge to want to get high. I haven't started writing a note or anything, but honestly I don't think I even care if people understand. I just want to stop hurting and nothing ever helps. I know you can't give up hope when you never really had it, but this feels like my hope dying again. I can't handle two fucking months of this, I don't even want to make it through the night.