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Just another guy that writes about suicide I guess

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheCreepyOne, Mar 30, 2010.

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  1. TheCreepyOne

    TheCreepyOne Member

    So this is my story.I am 18 years old,in highschool(I'm a guy),I always thought about suicide,and I still am.I haven't done it yet because I am afraid to kill myself,but from what I read on diferent forums,I saw people saying stuff like suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,etc.Now here is why I believe that you are wrong(in some cases at least).I have been a fat kid all my life,not too fat,I mean I can still walk,run,and stuff like that.Just that I'm fat.When i was a litle boy I was bullied by others that made me lose all my self-confidence(not bullied like what you see in the movies,but since i am sensible by nature,I put it to my heart quicly).During high-school i wasnt bullied,but this doesnt mean that the others like me.I am just an outsider with no friends and no one likes me.Never had a gf,never had sex,hell,i cant even socialize properly.
    I have started to lose some weight,but I realized that nothing will make my life better.I always hoped that I will change,but at the same time I was afraid that If i'll change,I will not be me anymore(if you know what I mean) I will be like the others that I hate so much.
    Anyway,I hoped that even if I will be alone all my life,I will at least have a decent job and a normal enough life(althogh having a gf or sex will never happen,i am sure of that).But the other day I have read something on wikipedia,that made me realize that I will never change.Now I am decided to end my life.In my case this isnt a temporary problem.I cant change and at the same time I dont want to change because of the fear that ill lose my identity.There really isnt any other option for me.
    PS:This is what i read on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
    Note:the link refers in the first part only to those that arent able to find a gf,but if you read thru the lower segments,you will se that this is not all.I just can't have a normal life.And now that I read this,I know that this will never change.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2010
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    HI and welcome to SF

    I can really relate to your story as that is what I went through at your age, I am in my forties now, only I was really chunky and ugly! I mean I had super frizzy hair and my family was a bit poor so I did not have many clothes and of course they were very outdated. I took a lot of crap for the way I looked and for the way I acted to...I was an outsider for sure that didn't know how to talk to people. I just felt like I watched life from the sidelines and wondered what I had done to God or whoever to not be let apart of the fun and regular stuff others did.

    I will say this though ....things changed!. Partly just life, circumstances, my body maturing, people maturing and me growing stronger. I know people may say this to you but it is true...you are young and still maturing/growing so cannot say this will be like this forever. You say you can't change but guess what other factors life do change, like I just mentioned, whether you do anything or not. No I do believe you can make changes of your free will on top of this but right now you just don't see it that way as the sadness is clouding your judgement (this is a problem we depressed types deal with a lot).

    Aside for all that one big change is you found US..:arms:. Here you are going to find you are not an outsider but a part of a group of people that understand and accept you. You have found people like yourself on so many levels and you know what? We would like to get to know you! We want to be your friend? We care about what you are going through! Now how is that for a change in your life. You have to face life's daily struggles head on but now you have support and you are not alone. Please continue to post and let us reach out to you, we genuinely care here and you will see that soon.

    Please stick around and let us be there for you...sounds like you could use a good friend or two and I am certain that you can find that here.

    :arms: Bambi
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just want to say hi and welcome
  4. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    hello and :welcome:

    i have been going trough pretty much the same time, expect i was very skinny was wearing silly clothes and wore glasses in young age.

    these things made me a easy prey for all the predators in school.

    what i am trying to say is that being in your age we all are/were very vulnrable to things that happen in our environment and we tend to think in pretty drastic ways.

    i also tend to think that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    why you will ask yourself.

    there is to much focussing on appearance in your age.

    once you will be a bit older, lets say around 25-30 you will notice people will not judge you by your apearance anymore like they did in highschool, and so will the girls (at least the better onces)

    i think you are going trough a hard time in life,
    i am 32 now and i do not find people that to screw me like they did before. this due to the fact that the people whom i interact with have also become adult.

    i have been picked on alot and wasnt very populair in class, yet i still found girlfriends in life (a bit later as the rest and maybe even one or two to much lol) and had good jobs.

    hang in there buddy, once you have your first job and therefor will be able to be financial independent you could decide to move to a more friendly neighborhood and life your life there.

    right now you may be thinking you need to change yourself in order to be more like 'the others' but you DO NOT have to change. its the inmature environment you are facing that is giving you this hard time.

    dont be ashmed of your body, choose the right people as your friends.
    you will learn how to do this with experience.

    i have developed a pretty good nose for this, im sure you will also

    hang in there buddy
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2010
  5. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    I used to be fat (I've been there). What did I do to counter that? I worked out like a madman, joined sports, and eventually achieved the body I wanted. Just research weight training topics, build a plan and go from there.
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