Just another introduction thread.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by jackraiden, Oct 17, 2012.

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  1. jackraiden

    jackraiden New Member

    Hi there, my name is jack W, i'm from the united kingdom(originally) but am currently living abroad with my family.

    I guess i don't know why i made an account here, was it to get acceptance from a community? Or just get a few threads telling me how much of an awesome human being i am, i just don't know,but it's probably for some selfish reason.

    But what i do know is that on march 13, 2012 i attempted to commit suicide.

    It was a long tedious day, and i was at home as usual, skipping university and failing in the process, and i had just gotten a call from my dad telling me how much of a failure i am, and that he would never accept me the same way i am currently, so on the same night i just had enough, my overbearing dependent mom who expects too much and my disappointed asshole of a dad, who expects nothing from me.

    I didn't know how to commit suicide, i tried thinking of ways, < edit moderator total eclipse methods> they all took so much time and effort, and i really didn't want to hit the pavement before i died.

    So, instead i used my mom's sleeping pills, took about < edit moderator total eclipse methods>, i forget, and just laid down in the bathroom and stared at the ceiling.

    I think that's when i lost consciousnesses, it's weird really, you don't really know whats going on, of-course as luck would have it, my mom found me and called the hospital and an ambulance arrived, took me to the hospital and got my stomach pumped.

    It's been about 7 months now and i lie to everyone around me telling them, i'll be ok and stuff, but actually i just want to end it all.

    The main reason as simply as i can explain it, life is a chore, there is no magical friendship ponies or anyone to help me or to even talk to me, the world just is this shit place, where i don't want to live in anymore.

    I'm 19, i'm an under achiever, i have done nothing, and i will never do anything, and i can't stand it.

    So why did i come here? Because i wanted to see what the fuss was all about, i wanted to see if people could truly help me, if i can believe in anyone after all the shitty people who called me their friend only to back stab me the next day.

    I know this sounds kind of gloomy, but i don't care anymore, this is my last line of defense i guess, to find people who have the same problems as me and maybe help me cope with it, and pull me out of this place.

    It's kind of a longshot, but i'm atleast willing to try and make an effort to talk to someone.

    Thanks for reading up to here, and hi i guess

    P.S. I really do hope this forum isn't full of "it gets betar" or "you are only 1x!", because i've been this depressed since i was 15, and no, it didn't get better, after high-school it got worst, the years keep on getting worse and worse, as my fellow humans who know what true depression is and how it gets to suicide know, these words to us mean nothing, so please don't say them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi jackraiden you say you have been depressed since you were a teenager. What have you done to try to get well. Have you talked to your doctor got on some antidepressants or have you tried therapy You Father so poisonous he is you need to set some boundaries perhaps tell him don't bother calling me again if all you have to say is negative things If he can't say something postive don't pick up phone Your mother also probably means well but you have to set your own path and at you own speed. Your 19 no way can you know what the future holds no one can know that You have choses to make for YOU and YOU alone get some counseling get some therapy get on some meds to help pull you out of the darkness some not saying you have to stay on them forever but just a start to end this downward spiral. Start forging a path you chose ok your an adult you get advocating help for you support for YOU do it now hun while you are still so very young
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Jack, very glad you've found SF, there are many caring souls on here who have been in very dark places, and who have a heart of compassion to listen and give support. We know what it's like when everything feels, seems and looks hopeless. Writing it out really does help to clear the head - getting it out there is a problem shared.

    There are things that can happen - truly - you might not believe it at the moment, but there is a light at the end of your tunnel which can be found - but I won't write any more cliche-sounding stuff as you've asked :) PM any time if you'd like to hun.
  4. jackraiden

    jackraiden New Member

    I tried therapy 4 months ago, and was continousingly going there for a month, the medicine they gave did nothing, all it did was make me feel unwell even more.

    Therapy doesn't work for me, because in the end i'm just paying the guy, so my mind automatically tells me, this guy only listens because you pay him, so i don't think that's the right method..

    Thanks for replying.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Welcome to the forum - hopefully you find some help and support here. Avery very large percentage of the people here understand very well what true depression is. What is often understood about it is that the nature of depression is to tell you that nothing will work and nothing will get better. The common expression is "the difference between sadness and depression - when you are sad you think nothing can get worse- when you are depressed you think nothing can get better" - the mantra of things can get better is simply used to remind yourself that far more often than not it is the depression talking not your rational mind.

    If you have been depressed for 4 years it is unrealistic to think a therapist can fix it in one month - it took for years to get to the point you are at now, the point you were at 7 months ago- it will not all be fixed in one month. When I hire a carpenter to work on my house I know that he is only doing it because I am paying him, it in no way affects the end result of the kitchen cabinets he put in for me except that if I do not like his work I fire him and hire a different one.

    Meds typically take 2-4 weeks to build any therapeutic level at all in your body. It is unsurprising that after a month all you had experienced was the bad effects. Also, they typically start you at very low levels so they can check for allergies and tolerances before going to a higher more useful dosage. Add to that the fact your depression is telling you nothing is going to work anyway and it is unsurprising it did not. There are many many different types of medicines out there - if the first one does not work try a different one. So far as making you just feel unwell even more- you are here today saying you are in your last attempt to get help - how much worse does it get then being so bad you want to die?

    If you are not happy with your life, your parents , your situation change it. I am not going to say you are only 19 - I am going to say you are finally 19! Now you can go do something else and find something else for yourself if you choose rather than staying in a place that is making you miserable. Instead of ending your life, change it.

    Take Care and Be Safe

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